Will it be different?
by The marshmallow faction
Summary: Beatrice Priors body changed dramatically in 8th grade and she got bullied almost every day for it. She moved from a rainy town in Oregon to Chicago. Will part of her past catch up to her, and if it does is it a good part? A high school setting of divergent. Very different from others but also a lot alike. Enjoy! I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT!
1. Chapter 1

It all started in 8th grade, I started maturing and apparently people didn't like that. Just because my boobs went from and A-cup to a C-cup and my butt got bigger causing curves and a "hot body", doesn't mean that I have changed as a person. I still read books, consuming what they have to offer like my favorite candy. I still binge watch tv shows that "only nerdy people watch" as my brother would say. His names Caleb and he is 19 now, he's in college playing football, calling us every so often to check up and only coming home for holidays. He seemed to not like that I was changing either, so he avoided me a lot to. The only reason he did though was because he said I "hit on his friends all the time and it made him uncomfortable." My parents talked to me though and they became my only friends for the next years. It's been a little over 2 years since the changing started happening, and those two years haven't been the best. I've gotten bullied a lot and my self esteem has gotten to a all time low. The worst people are my two old best friends, Kathy and Alisha. They all ways are commenting on my outfit saying that it's to revealing and I should be ashamed of who I have become. I could wear sweats and a sweatshirt with no makeup and my hair in the messiest bun you have ever seen and they will still comment on it saying that it's to revealing and that I shouldn't try so hard.

It's a week before my junior year, and I am starting to get panic attacks again. My mom said I could stay home and do online school, but I refused because then they win and I can't have that. When I told her that she gave me a small sad smile and nodded. I have everything ready for my first day/week and now I'm just waiting till it's actually here. My mom owns a coffee shop right by the school and our new house so I have my plan for the first day at least. I have learned to deal with most of the bullying because it's basically the same exact thing every day, but some I just can't handle. I moved here from a small town in Oregon, and I have a feeling this year is going to suck. It's either going to be as bad as years past or even worse, if that's even possible.

* * *

Its a new year at a new school. I got up at 6:45 this morning, dreading the day to come. I took a shower last night so I just french braided my slightly damp blonde hair. I'm not pretty at all, I may be "hot" but I'll never be pretty. I put on a pair of high waisted acid washed jean shorts that cover a lot more than most shorts, a old t-shirt which I hope will hide my boobs, and a pair of old worn black converse, which match perfectly with my black t-shirt. I put on a very minimal amount of makeup. Mascara, concealer, powder, a light pink blush to put color back on my face, and a clear sparkly lipgloss that has been my go to lipgloss since I was twelve. I go downstairs to grab a triple chocolate chip muffin. My house isn't giant but it's still way to big for three people. I live with both my parents, and are very thankful for that. It was torture with Caleb around treating me like a child who didn't know any better. They helped me thorough it all, and in all honesty, they are my only friends. After I finish my muffin I go back to my bathroom that is connected to my room, I brush my teeth and look in the mirror one last time.

"you've got this Tris, don't let them win."I nearly whisper to myself.

I go back to my bed and grab my sweatshirt, my backpack, my phone, and some earbuds.

I walk to the little coffee shop that my mom owns and sit down in the corner away from everyone else and take my book out of my bag. My mom comes over and kisses me on the cheek and gives me some tea. English breakfast with milk and two sugars, just the way I like it and she knows it. I smile at her and nod as my thank you while taking a sip of the tea.

"Are you nervous?" She asks

"Well weren't you, on you first day at a new school?" I reply quietly

"No, I was terrified." She simply states, matching my tone.

I take a few drinks of my tea to try and pass this giant lump in my throat, and hope the warmth will calm the knot in my stomach. I look at the clock noticing it's only 7:15 and smile slightly, putting on my baggy sweatshirt knowing it will hide my boobs better than anything else. I get into my book for a while sipping my tea here and there but get pulled out of my trance by my mom who's tapping my shoulder lightly.

"Sweetness, it's time to go, you don't want to be late on your first day!"

I grunt knowing she is right and I look up at the clock. 7:45. School starts at 8:00 and it's only a five minute walk, so I take my time packing up my things. About ready to leave, I put my earbuds in listening to music. I walk over to the counter and see me mom talking to a customer while making a coffee that I assume is the girls. I walk behind the counter, clean out my mug, and go to hug my mom. She hugs back tightly whispering in my hair so only I can hear, "Be brave Beatrice." I pull back knowing she means it with all she is. I just smile as I turn around and start heading towards the school, getting more and more nervousness with each step I take.

The high school I'm going to go to, isn't like any other schools, and I'm trying to decide if it's that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's called divergence high. It's split into these weird things called factions, which I barley understand. What I know is their names and what they stand for. There is amity who stand for peace, abnegation who stand for selflessness, candor who stand for truth, erudite who stand for knowledge, and dauntless who stand for bravery. I got put into dauntless because my mom has always said I am one of the bravest people she knows, I never believed her till now, and I want to prove her right.

I walk into the school pulling out my ear buds and stopping my music. I head to the office immediately to get my schedule and try to avoid any eye contact with any body one the way there. I make it quickly and the lady looks up and smiles at me. I felt a ping of joy in my chest and gave a slight smile back. It's been a long time I've been smiled at by some one other than my own parents.

"What's your name honey?" She asks, the smile still on her face.

"Beatrice Prior." I respond quietly. She nods and puts her head down to find my schedule. She finds it quite quickly and hands it to me.

"Have a good day sweetie." She says as I start walking out the door. I quickly turn around and say thank you. I take a look at my schedule for my locker number. 246. I walk to it and open it up, taking only two tries. I look at my schedule to look at my classes for the first time

Period 1: Science- Ms. Matthews

Period 2: math- Ms. Matthews

Period 3: art- Mrs. Wu

Period 4: gym- Eric

Period 5: lunch

Period 6: AP language- Mr. Kang

Period 7: language arts- Ms. Reyes

Period 8: social studies- Ms. Reyes

I get my stuff for both math and science since there on the opposite side of the school and in the same class room. As I start walking I notice a group of people talking and laughing.

"Uri when are you going to stop saying pansycake." One guy asks

"Oh Zekey boo, never, that's the point!" The one, apparently Uri, says. I keep walking hoping I won't get noticed.

"Dude, four, hello? You there? What are you staring at?" Asks another boy from the group. I look over to the guy they called four to see what he was staring at, and I am shocked that it's me. I switch my eyes to the floor and walk faster, hoping to get away to my class as soon as possible.

I make it with one minute to spare. I look up at the projector to see my name on a desk with Four's. Shit! I get seated next to the one who looks at me like I am something to eat. Guess I didn't do a very good job at hiding everything I guess. I got to my desk and sit down pulling out my pencil. He comes in almost late and sits down right in time next to me. I try to not look him in the eyes, but I just can't resist. I look up him and he has the bluest eyes you have ever seen. They look like the night sky in summer when the stars shine so bright and you can't help but stare at them for as long as possible. I pull out of my trance when the bell rings and notice that I've been staring. I blush a light shade of pink and look forward.

"Hello class! My name is Ms. Matthews. It seems as if we have a new face here in the room. Would you like to introduce your self?" I slowly stand up and look around the room

"Umm hi my name is Beatrice Prior, but I would like it if you call me Tris. I moved here from Oregon." I sit back down quietly, and know my cheeks look like tomatoes.

"Ok class we are learning about..." I stopped listening and just started thinking about things. Things like Four's eyes and how I could get lost in them forever.

"Ms. Prior would you please answer the question for me?" I look up at the board, 'true or false? Subatomic partials are found inside atoms' easy.

"The answer is true." I respond, which earns me a smile and a nod from the teacher. She goes back to her teaching and I just sit there thinking again.

"Hey do you have a pencil I could borrow?" Four whisper asks me. I am taken back and look at him.

"We don't need a pencil for this class, we aren't taking notes." I whisper back

"I know but we will in the next class or tomorrow." He says back

"Fine here." I hand him mine and take out another for myself.

"Thanks." He responds, not sounding thankful. I just give a little nod and go back to my daydreaming

My classes pass, and now it's time for gym. I really liked art, but math and science weren't my favorite, to slow. I got the locker room and get dressed down. I walk out to the gym and notice right away this school is different. There are targets set up in a long line and a table of three knifes for each target.

"Hello students! Today we are learning how to throw knifes! It won't be to hard but it make take a few tries to get it! So watch me as I throw. My legs are positioned one before the other and I'm slightly turned towards the corner of the room except for my head and my arm are towards the target. I hold onto the blade of the knife and then I throw it!" He shows us how he does it and it hits dead center on his first try. I know I will do great at this because this is what me and my dad would always do for fun. If we weren't talking about books we were either shooting guns, throwing knifes, or wrestling. So when Eric says go for it, I am one of the first ones up to the targets. I get up there and hold the knife in my hand, twisting it around. I haven't held one in a while so it feels good to hold one again. I get into my position and throw the knife, aiming for the center of the heart like Eric told us to. I throw it and it hits just a few millimeters away from the center. I get ready to throw again when I realize everyone else stopped throwing. I stop and look around, only to find people staring at me I just blush and turn away quickly, not used to the good attention. I continue throwing till I here Eric yell at someone.

"Go pick up your knifes Al!" He yells at a boy with a slightly bigger build and puppy dog eyes.

"But I don't want to get hit with a knife." He replies reluctantly

"Go stand in front of the target. Flinch and get detention for the rest of the week, or don't flinch and I let this one slide." Al nods and scurries over the the target standing right in front if it. He gulps and closes his eyes. Eric is about to throw the first knife before I yell.

"STOP!" I yell. Eric just looks at me with a testing look.

"If your so brave why don't you switch places with him." He states while giving me a evil smirk. I could see he has something going on in his mind. I just smirk knowing that I can't back down now and slowly walk over to the target. Al gives me a small sad smile and says 'thanks' as he passes me. I stand in front of the target and look around the room, noticing for the first time Four, and the rest of his gang are here in this class. I smirk knowing they are watching me. This is when I have to show them I am brave.

I stand in front of the target and stare Eric down. He throws the first knife slightly to the left of my head, I don't flinch. He throws the second knife right above my head, I still don't flinch. He is about to throw the third knife and I see he has a plan. He throws the third knife and it slices the top of my ear, I still don't flinch.

"Oh look you cut my ear, what would you like me to do, cry? Well that's not gunna happen."

"Hey watch what you say, I could still give you detention as long as I would like!" He responds trying to scare me. It's not really working either.

The rest of the class we have free period. I continue throwing because I love it and it reminds me of my dad. The 7 minute bell rings and I go back to the locker room to change back to my normal clothes. I go over to the mirror to reapply my lipgloss when a girl comes over to the mirror. She looks familiar but I don't know from where. Oh my god! She is in the gang thing and was at my moms coffee shop this morning!

"What's your name girl?" She asks. I'm shocked for a second before I reply.

"I'm Tris." I state simply.

"Well Tris you've got some major balls standing up to Eric like that."

"He was being rude and knifes don't scare me. Me and my dad used to throw knifes together for a long time and he always would throw them around me. He never hit me so I'm not scared. I have no reason to be scared." I know I probably said to much but it's nice to talk to someone for once who isn't one of my parents.

"That's so cool! Oh shit so rude of me!" She turns to face me and places her hand out to shake mine. "I'm Christina, nice to meet you!" I take her hand, shake it, and give her a small smile. "Wanna sit with me and my friends at lunch?" She asks.

"I would love to!" I respond quickly. She laughs slightly at turns back to the mirror to put her deep plum lipstick.

Lunch time was always the worst time of the day for me at my old school. That's when most of the bullying became bad. I enter he cafeteria with Christina and get in the lunch like immediately with her. The silence is getting sorta awkward so I decide to say something.

"What'd you get?" I ask hoping she knows what I'm talking about.

"What? What do you mean?" Well I guess she doesn't.

"This morning you were at my moms coffee shop, what'd you get?

"That's your moms coffee shop! Oh I just got a mocha frap."

"How was it?"

"It was fucking amaze balls!" She almost yells

"Oh wow! Ok!" I respond laughing. We get our food and sit back at the table with her friends. I look around and I noticed Four isn't sitting yet. Christina must've noticed too because she asks one of the guys where he is.

"Shit how would I know! I haven't seen him since after gym in the locker room!" One who I think is Zekey boo, as Uri said.

"Ok well then guys meet Tris, she's new here from, where are you from?" Christina says

"She's from Oregon." A deep voice says, I look up and behind me to see Four standing there. "Here's your pencil back. I found another one."

"Keep it I have to many anyways." He just shrugs and sits down at an empty seat across from me.

"Anyyywayyyyysss! Tris meet Uriah and his girlfriend Marlene, Zeke and his girlfriend Shauna. Uriah and Zeke are brothers. Here's Will, my boyfriend! Then there is Lynn and Al, who say they aren't dating but everyone knows they either are or are about to." At that both Al and Lynn's cheeks get really pink. I just wave to every one hoping they won't ask one question, but with my luck they do.

"Why'd you move here from Oregon?" Uriah asks. Shit.

"My mom started her own business down here," not a complete lie."my dad can just switch locations whenever he wants to for his job, and I didn't want to live there any more, neither did my parents." I respond hoping that will be enough to stop the questions, it wasn't.

"Why didn't you want to live there anymore! I herd it's one of the prettiest states!" Will asks this time

"It was but also one of the rainiest, I think at least. But the reason I wanted to go had nothing to do with that, and I don't really want to talk about it." I say. Finally I realize I'm crossing my arms right under my boobs and it makes them look bigger than I want them to. I quickly uncross them and puff out my sweatshirt again so I look normal. That earned stares from almost every one. I smile and quickly look down to eat my food. The rest of lunch passes uneventful, except a few stares from Four. But I know he just wants me for my body like everyone else.

The rest of the day passes by with no homework thank god, but I just can't seem to get a certain shade of blue out of my head. I know I've seen it somewhere, I just can't put my finger on where. I spend the whole walk to the coffee shop to try and figure it all out. When I get to the shop, I make myself some tea and walk over to the chair in front of the little fireplace in the corner. Once I sit down it hits me. That certain blue is the color of a blue eyed boy I met today. Four. He really is something different. I can't do anything about it though because 1) he looks at me like I'm a piece of food and he is starving, and 2) he is gunna be like all those other boys who throw themselves at me. I don't like that, and never will.

* * *

After about and hour or two I decide to walk home, I get up and get ready to leave, I look down for a second and start walking when I run into someone.

"Shit! Sorry I didn't mean to! Wait, Four?" I look at him while puffing up my sweatshirt. He raises his eyebrows.

"That's my name don't wear it out." He says lamely with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah yeah, so what are you doing here?"

"Actually I was hoping to find you."


	2. Chapter 2

What? He was hoping to find me? What does that mean?

"Oh really? Why?" I ask

"You um..." He scratches the back of his neck "you left your jacket at school." Oh. That's all he wanted. Ok.

"Oh, uh, thanks." I say, disappointment coating my voice. Why am I disappointed? I hope he doesn't notice.

"And I wanted to ask you, since your here what's your favorite? I always see you here so you must like it a lot." He doesn't know my mom owns this place apparently.

"I like the English breakfast tea with milk and two sugars. What are you thinking about getting?" I have a plan.

"Um I was thinking a hazelnut steamer actually."

"What size?"

"A medium, not to big not to small... Just right!" I set my stuff down and walk behind the counter and start making his steamer.

"What are you doing!" He asks looking at me like I'm crazy.

"Making your steamer duh! Would you like hazelnut sprinkles on that sir?" I ask with a smirk

"Why, yes please!" Damn the sprinkles are at the other side of the counter where my mom is. Good time to tell him, or show him, that this is my moms coffee shop. I walk over to get the sprinkles, and when I do I kiss my mom on the cheek, a gesture she does to me all the time. She smiles at me while I grab the sprinkles. I walk back over to Four and sprinkle the top, then put the lid on and put a straw in it.

"That would be 3.50 sir." I say trying to hold back a laugh. His face is still filled with shock and confusion. He takes out his wallet and hands me three ones and two quarters. I put it in the cash register and look at Four, who is now taking a drink of his steamer. His eyes get really wide and he looks amazed.

"Wow! This is so damn good!" I just laugh a little before he continues "I didn't know you worked her! I do have one question though."

"And I have an answer."

"Why did you kiss that lady?" I can't believe he didn't get it.

"I kissed 'that lady' because she's my mom. That's why I am here a lot, and why I could get behind the counter and make you that steamer you apparently like a lot." He just nods and continues drinking his steamer. I'm starting to get really hot from my sweatshirt but I don't want to take it off and show the actual size of my boobs. I roll up the sleeves and start to make myself some tea. I see Four staring at me out of the corner of my eye and it just renews the thought of him going to throw himself at me like all the other guys I've met. The thing about Four is he doesn't seem like other guys, he seems different and oddly familiar. I swear I've met him before, but where? I just moved here so I couldn't have met him before. Before I had time to think about anything else he gets up to leave.

"Thanks for the steamer Tris. See you around I hope." He says with a small smile playing on his lips.

"You're very welcome Four." I say returning his smile. He cringes a bit when I say Four. I look over at him concerned and see sadness in his eyes. What did I do? He leaves with a hurry while I also leave. When I get home I get ready for bed. I lay down and think until I fall asleep. What did I do wrong? Why does he seem so familiar?

**A/N: sorry for the short chapter... It's just a filler. Next chapter is gunna be a flash back!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Walking down the road with him feels perfect. We really are to young to know anything about love or anything like that, but what I do know is he is perfect to me, and I'm pretty sure I do love him fully. All of a sudden he stops walking and turns to look at me. His face has a slight look of sorrow and his eyes give me an uneasy feeling because they aren't bright and full of love, they are full of sadness and even a look that says I'm sorry._

_ "Beatrice I have to tell you something, and your not gunna like it one bit." He says with a look of sorrow. Uh oh._

_ "You can tell me anything Tobias you know that." I say looking into his eyes, so blue they look like the deep sea, it holds the scariest animals but still is purely beautiful and inviting._

_ "I know. But, um, I have to, uh, leave. Tonight, and I can't come back, ever." _

_ "What! You can't leave!" I try to hold back the tears, but I fail as one rolls down my cheek._

_ "I have to. You know about Marcus and what he has done to me. I can't take it any more. It's slowly killing me and I can't have it do that, it's not healthy."_

_ "But, what if I came with you, I could go home and pack and leave in like 5-10 minutes tops!"_

_ "No I can't do that to you, your life here is amazing, you have so many people who love you... Anyways I already have my plane ticket and everything. I'm going to live with my aunt and uncle. You know I love you Bea, but I can't stay." _

_ "So many people here love you to Toby! Stay here! With me! I don't know what I would do without you!" I start shaking from crying so hard. A perfect night turned terrible. He pulls me into a hug so tight that if it was any tighter I would stop breathing. He doesn't let go for a long time and I'm glad because I think I would crumble if he didn't._

_ "I'm so sorry... I gotta go now. I love you Bea, forever and always." With that he turns away and walks in the other direction. I stand there staring at him leave until he is gone. Once I know he is gone I break down, the fall to my knees, unable to breath properly because I'm crying so hard, break down. He is gone, and he isn't coming back. I run to my house with tear streaked cheeks and don't bother wiping the tears away. What's the point. They would just return in a matter of seconds._

_ I make it home quickly and don't bother telling anyone what happened. My brother would just say 'good I never liked him anyways' and my mom and dad would want to have a long conversation about it, and I don't want to right now. Right now I just want to be sad and broken and messed up, and don't want comforting. About an hour or two later my mom comes in with a look of concern shadowing her beautifully perfect facial features._

_ "What's wrong sweetheart?" _

_ "Toby had to leave tonight, and he's not coming back, ever." I tell her breaking down again. They all know about me and Tobias' relationship. We never kissed or anything, just hugged and occasionally held hands, but we both felt that kissing was very intense and not needed in our relationship yet._

_ "Oh honey," she pulls me into a hug "I'm so sorry sweetie. What happened?"_

_ "We were walking down the street together and he just stopped and looked at me. He said he had something to tell me and I wouldn't like it. He told me he had to leave, I said I would come with him but he stopped me. He is going to go live with his aunt and uncle. He has the plane ticket and everything already." My parents don't know about his abusive father, but I do. _

_ "Oh baby, that's terrible I'm so sorry. Do you want to eat dinner?" I shake my head no. "Ok I'll come check on you later ok?" She asks, while I just nod again. I get up and look around my slightly messy room. My eyes land on a picture frame that holds a picture of me and Toby. It's me and him at the state fair. I remember that day like it was yesterday. He won me a stuffed elephant because that's my favorite. I still have the elephant. I sleep with every night. I pick up the picture frame and I throw it at the wall. It shatters, and a piece of glass flys out and hits me in the thigh. I pull it out and blood starts oozing from the wound. The gash is pretty big, but I don't care. I don't really feel it. I don't really feel anything but numbness. I grab the stuffed animal and throw it out the window. He lives down the street and has to pass my house to go to the airport. He will most likely look at my window as a force of habit, then my whole house, and I hope he sees the stuffed animal on my front yard. My mom comes in a few second later._

_ "I heard a shattering sound are you ok... Beatrice! What happened to your leg!" She rushes over to me, being careful to not step on the glass which is covering my floor here and there. "This needs stitches right away. Let's get you to the hospital." She helps me stand up. I try to take my first step, but fall down quickly. She picks me up this time and carries me to the car. We get to the hospital and I get picked up again by my mom to get taken inside. My leg hasn't stopped bleeding since I took the piece of glass out of it. On the car ride here my mom asked what happened and I explained. My speech became slower by the minute and I stared to get really sleepy. Is probably because of the blood loss. We check into the hospital and I'm immediately taken back because of how much blood I lost. I'm put into a wheel chair and am wheeled into two doors that lead into a super bright hallway. That's the last thing I remember from that night_.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning with tears still streaming down my cheeks. Every since Toby left, I've been having nightmares about that day. I haven't dated anyone since he left. I look down at my thigh and see the scar. Slowly I run my dry, peeling fingers over it. Maybe it will make it go away, or fade at least. Whenever I wear shorts I usually get asked about it. It's weird though, because I didn't yesterday. I sit up, remembering the picture of me and him. I miss him. Maybe I'll see him again. Probably not though, I don't know where he went. He could be half way across the world for all I know. I wipe the new tear that just rolled down my cheek away and stand up. I have to get ready for school. I decide on a maxi skirt and sweater. I take my hair out of the French braid that it's still in from all of yesterday. I was to lazy to take it out, so I just left it in. I let my hair down and pin up both bang parts of the side to keep it out of my face. I put on a minimal amount of make up again. Just mascara, foundation, powder, blush, and my lip gloss. I go downstairs and grab a protein bar. I start eating it while I walk back upstairs to my room to get my bag ready. I put a new pencil in my pencil pouch to replace the one I gave Four. I finish my protein bar and go to the bathroom again. I look over and see the picture of me and Tobias. After that day I reframed it and kept it. I also went outside and got the stuffed animal he got me. I washed it and it became good as new again. I still sleep with it every night. If anyone saw it they would think I was crazy and a child. I brush my teeth and look at the picture one last time. I pick it up and hug it, I hold back the tears that want to come again. I set it down and leave. My eyes are red and puffy so you can tell I've been crying. It goes down a bit when I reach the school but it's still noticeable. I get out of my car and walk into the school. I go straight to my locker to get my stuff for math and science. I walk to class hoping to not see any of the gang. Luckily I don't. I get to class and I sit in my seat. I pull out a pencil and a notebook that is just for this class. I start to draw, it starts out as an eye, but becomes an entire face. It's a face of no one I know. I look up and see class is just about to start. I feel a pair of eyes tearing me apart so look over. Four. He's here, staring at me, then my art.

"What can't you do?" He chuckles softly, it pulls me in like a sneaker wave, I didn't see it coming but when it did, it took me to a place of no return.

"A lot actually." I respond with a smile that has sadness laced with it.

"Hey are you ok? You look like you've been crying." Concern washes over his sharp, handsome facial features.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Bad dream last night. Took me to a place that I want to forget."

"I know how that is. I get those a lot actually." Really? I wonder what about. I'll ask him later.

Classes go by quickly today thank god. I just want to go to the coffee shop and read by the fireplace with my book. When I get to my locker I see Christina standing there waiting got me. I wonder why.

"Want to go shopping?" She says looking very excited.

"No, but I will anyways."

"Good. Hey can I ask you a question?"

"Um sure, why not." This is weird.

"What's going on with you and Four. Ever since you came here he's been happier and more fun to be around." Is that true? Why?

"Nothing, that I know of at least. I don't want to date any one. And I won't for a very very long time."

"Ok then, welp. Let's go shopping!" I grunt but reluctantly follow. I text my mom quickly saying that I'm going shopping with a friend. She texts back immediately saying the usual things moms say. Like 'ok!' 'Have fun!' 'Be safe!' 'Text me when you get there and leave!' 'Love you!'. I just smile and put my phone down. We arrive at the mall a few minutes later. She gets out of the car and I get out with her. We walk into the mall and she immediately drags me to a store. God I regret this already. She goes through racks of clothes before she decides that the silence we are sharing isn't good enough.

"You know, you have an amazing body, you should really show it off!" I stiffen a little and just shake my head.

"No." Is all I can manage to get out. She notices my stiffness and inability to respond correctly, and stops. A couple moments pass before she continues.

"So tell me, any old boyfriends? Huh huh." She gives me a smirk and nudges me in the shoulder once when she said each 'huh'.

"Yeah actually. It was a really, really long time ago though." I say remembering Tobias.

"Ooh tell me the deets! How long ago!? What happened!? Did you guys do it!?"

"Since now we are 17 about, 6 years ago was when it ended. What happened was that I thought I loved him, I thought he loved me. He had to leave to get away from someone bad. He left to live with his aunt and uncle in I don't know where. After he left I went home and cried for hours. I picked up the picture I have of us and threw it at the wall, a peice of glass hit my leg and I ripped it out." Christina looks at me expectantly and shocked. "Wanna hear the crazy part?" She nods. "I didn't even feel it, all I felt was numbness. After that I took the stuffed animal he won me at the state fair and threw it out the window, knowing he would see it when he walked past my house to go to the airport. My mom came rushing in because she heard a shattering noise. At this point I've lost a good amount of blood from where the glass hit, and it didn't stop bleeding till they stitched it. I don't remember that part though, because when they were wheeling me back to the room to get stitches I fainted from the blood loss. I know crazy right." She nods again. "And we didn't do it since we were 11. We didn't even kiss."

"So what your telling me is, you're a junior in high school and you haven't even had your first kiss yet! That's insane!"

"I know I know, no need to tell me. I just haven't liked anyone since he left."

"Awwww that's so cute! What was his name, tell me!" She's like a child waiting for answers and won't take no for an answer. That's what I like about her, she has no filter and says what she wants. She has this confidence that is unbreakable.

"Tobias but I always called him Toby." She nods and continues looking through racks and racks of clothes. When she doesn't find something or is done with the store she drags me to a new store and continues. We talk about random things and it's nice, having a friend again. I missed this feeling. The feeling of love and being liked. It's a different feeling you get from your parents, more real and in the moment. She decides that she's done for today. She walks out of the mall with 5 bags and I follow with my one bag. She drops her bags in the back of her car while I just put mine at my feet. The car ride is filled with music and us singing the songs we knew. We reach my house, and before I have a chance to get out she grabs my arm.

"Give me your phone for a sec." I give her a weird look and give her my phone. She puts her number in and I text her so she has mine. She smiles and says bye before she pulls of to go home. I go inside with my backpack and shopping bag. I go up to my room and take out what I bought. A black infinity scarf, some rings, a phone case, and long necklace. I decide to pick out my outfit for tomorrow to save some time in the morning. I want to get a muffin from the shop tomorrow. I pull out a black skater skirt, and a crop top that has an infinity sign with the word love in it. I take out white socks that end right before the knee with some black combat boots. I take out a black leather jacket just in case. I go into my bathroom and take off my makeup. I get into the shower and get clean. I step out and grab my towel. I go to my room and put on sleeping shorts and an old baggy t-shirt that is two sizes to big. I walk back into the bathroom and finish my skin care routine with some moisturizer. I take my hair out if the towel it's been in the whole time and towel dry it a little bit. I put in some oil and comb it out. I leave it down since it's drying already really fast. I go back downstairs to grab a snack. I see my mom and dad sitting on the couch, my mom with a book, my dad with his laptop. I smile at them, they really are in love. Always have been, always will be and I really like that. My mom sees me staring and waves me over. She pats the seat next to her. I walk over to her and sit down, snuggling into her. My dad's probably writing another book now so I won't bother him. He is an author and a very good one at that. His most popular was actually a book he wrote about me and Toby's relationship. It's a very loose correlation , but it's still noticeable to me. "Promises don't mean a thing to me" was his longest, but best book he has ever written. He's told me before that he has tried to write a sequel, but he never could and I'm glad. I think it ends perfectly. He is long gone but she stays. She goes out to the roof one night and stares at the stars. "I miss him with all my heart," she says, her eyes gleaming from the tears staring at the deep blue sky that matches his eyes perfectly. "And there is no getting him back, but I guess that's ok. If that's what's meant to be, that's meant to be. Promises don't mean a thing to me any more anyways." With that, the book ends and every time I'm in tears because that's what happened to me. I went to the roof about a week later and had a conversation like that to myself. I told my dad about it and he wrote it down. He changed the words, but it still basically said the same thing. He made the characters older with different names and certain features were different, but it was about me and Toby's relationship.

I'm pulled out of my trance by my dad. "Beatrice I think you should go to bed." I look at the time 11:30.

"Ok goodnight, love you! See you tomorrow. Oh and dad, don't do a sequel to promises don't mean a thing to me, it's perfect just the way it is." He smiles at me and nods.

"Ok then, will do." He closes his lap top, while I run upstairs. I brush my teeth, and comb my naturally straight hair one last time before bed. I jump into bed and slowly drift to sleep, thinking of Tobias, my dad's book, and Four.


	5. Chapter 5

*time skip to Friday*

Zeke and Uri are throwing a party tonight, a back to school party. I've been hanging out with the gang a lot, but mostly Chrissy and Four. I think I might be starting to like Four, but I push those feelings away. I can't like him. He just feels so comfortable and loving. He makes me feel the way I felt around Tobias. Nervous, but a good nervous. My heart beat quickens and my hands get clammy. If I didn't know better I would think Four is Tobias, but I know that's not true. It can't be. I've wanted to see Tobias again for such a long time but now I'm scared to see him. What if he is completely different? What if he doesn't know it's me? What if he does and doesn't care because he doesn't like me anymore? What if he thinks I've changed to much and says things?

"Hello... Earth to Trissy poo!" Uri said... I hate it when he calls me that. "You ok? You seem really scared?"

"Oh I'm great Uri cakes! Just thinking about stuff." Please don't ask what stuff, please don't ask what stuff!

"Ooh like what stuff!" Damn it.

"Just the past, going over something again that I should just leave in the past. It's just wishful thinking."

"Mmm hmm, so you coming to the party tonight!" Every one says some sort of 'yeah' or 'obviously'. Chrissy told me to wear layers and I didn't question her, I just did what she said. She knows these parties better than I do anyways. My parents are so excited that I'm going to a party with friends, they are even more excited than I am I think!

The school day is over quickly, and I'm glad. I walk to Chrissy's car with her and hop in. I turn on the radio and bang bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj. We turn it up so loud and start singing to the chorus together, is what you call our screaming, singing.

Bang, bang into the room

I know you want it

Bang, bang all over you

I'll let you have it

Wait a minute, let me take you there

Wait a minute till you...

Bang, bang there goes your heart

I know you want it

Back, backseat of my car

I'll let you have it

Wait a minute, let me take you there

Wait a minute till you...

We jam out together all the way till we get to her house. The girls are all here already so when we arrive jamming out they start cracking up. We both join them when we get out of the car.

"Oh you like that huh, you haven't seen anything yet!" I say while smirking out them that just makes them laugh even harder. We all walk into Chrissy's house, and head to her room. I look at her room to take it in and notice a bookcase. I walk over to it. The first book I see is one of my dads less popular books. I keep looking at her books. She has almost every book my dad has written. I look up and see 'promises don't mean a thing to me' and I immediately grab it.

"You know that book? It's my favorite. I love this author, Andrew prior, he is a genius!" Oh my gosh, she doesn't know that he's my dad. I have an idea.

"Yeah he's pretty amazing, I've met him a few times. I could take you with me next time." She starts jumping up and down.

"You'd do that for me! You're the best!"

"I know I am," I look over at the other girls, "you guys can come to if you want. How bout you guys meet me at my house at noon. No earlier and no later and I'll let you meet him with me!" They all say some sort of 'okay' we get ready for the party. I wear leggings under a pair of ripped jeans. On top I wear a tank top, crop top, a sweatshirt, and a windbreaker. I re-do my pony tail and curl the ends. The only thing I do with my makeup is add winged eyeliner and re apply lipgloss.

We get to the party about 30 minutes late. When we walk in, the smell of alcohol is very strong. I'm met by Zeke who is slightly tipsy.

"Hey Trissy, wanna bear?" I shake my head no, and he mumbles something I can't hear. I brush it off and walk over to a couch since I can't find Christina anywhere. I pull out my phone and text my dad. 'I have a friend or four who wants to meet you tomorrow. Tell you deets when I get home :)'. 'Ok love you have fun tonight' is his reply. 'I will and tell mom I made it safely. Love you to' I put my phone down and look around. I see Four making his way over here... Oh no. He comes over and sits down next to me. He has a beer in his hand, but he doesn't seem drunk.

"Hey Tris."

"Hey Four." He cringes a little when I say 'Four', he always does though. I'll ask him about it.

"Why do you always cringe when I say your name. Do I not say it right or something?"

"No you say it right, it's just, it doesn't sound right coming from you." What does that mean? I was just about to ask that when Zeke's voice rings through the speakers

"If you aren't Four, Uri, Will, Marlene, Tris, Christina, Al, Lynn, Shauna, Or myself then leave now!" Wow harsh. "You guys ready to play a game!?" Every one says yes while we all get into a circle.

"I'm going first!" Uri states immediately. "So Trissy, truth or dare?"

**A/N: So tell me what you guys think so far! Yes? No? Maybe? Hopefully yes!**


	6. Chapter 6

Damn it, I'm first. I think for a second or two before deciding on my answer.

"Truth."

"Pansycake! Fine, why did you truly move here?" Oh here it goes.

"Long version or short version?" I ask them.

"Short version for now!" Uriah says.

"Ok, well it all started in 8th grade, my body started, um, changing, and apparently people didn't like that. I started getting bullied pretty badly, and the worse part is, the people who started it all were my two old best friends. I didn't change as a person really, but they couldn't understand that apparently. So last year it got really really bad so I left. There was no one there for me anyways. This sounds really stupid, but my parents became my best friends, no... only friends, and so we left. My mom quit her job and took on her dream of a coffee shop, and my dad can work any where, so we left and never looked back. But yeah so that's the reason I left." I look at all of them. Four looks guilty for some reason but I don't know why. Chrissy's eyes have a gleam to them like she is about to start crying.

"So uh, Marlene, truth or dare?" I say awkwardly.

"Dare!" She says immediately.

"I dare you to play 7 minutes in heaven with Uri!" She smirks and gets up, he follows happily while they go into the bathroom. I set the timer on my phone for 7 minutes. A minute later we hear moaning. I make a grossed out face and I hear a deep chuckle. I look to see who it came from, and find that it came from Four. The timer on my phone went off and I got up to knock on the door. I walk over really quietly and hear moans still being made. I bang on the door as loud as I can, I think I hear Marlene scream.

"Uri stop screaming." Is all I hear and I fall to the floor laughing. They come out, lips swollen, and hair messy. I walk back to the circle and sit back down.

"Four, truth or dare?" He thinks for a second then answers.

"Dare."

"Ok, I dare you to walk down he street and propose to the first person you see!" He just rolls his eyes but gets up. Me and Marlene follow him to make sure he does it. The first person he sees is a 87 year old man. He gets down on one knee and proposes. The old man just laughs and keeps walking. Four stands up and looks at the old man. He adds more to what he has already done. 'But I love you!' He yells after the old man. With this me and Marlene crack up. On the walk back Four takes my phone and puts his number in it. He texts himself so he has my number. When we get back to Zeke and Uri's we tell them all what happened. People just laugh. The game goes on for a while but I space out for most of it. Finally I hear my name being called again, for the 5th time.

"Tris, truth or dare." Shauna this time. I've done dare the last four times and I don't want to again.

"Truth. And Uri if you say Pansycake, you're dead." I hear laughing from random people.

"Ok well tell us about any old boyfriends." This earns groans from all the boys in the room. I look over at Chrissy and she nods. And I start to tell the story of me and Toby.

"I grew up with this one boy. His name was Tobias but I always called him Toby. We were best friends for basically all my life. One day I think we were like ten or so it grew into something more. We crept away to our spot, we went there all the time to get away from someone very bad. He asked me to date him. I know we were young but I loved him, or as much as I could. When we were 11 ish, we were walking back down the road that lead us back to the house and he just stopped walking. He turns toward me and told me he had to leave that night. I told him I would go with him but he said no. I was heart broken." I turn towards Chrissy. "Should I tell them what happened that night?" I ask her. She nods yes so I continue on. "I watched him leave for the last time and once he was gone I broke down. I ran home and went straight to my room and cried for hours straight. I got up to look around my room a few hours later and my eyes landed on a picture of me and him. I picked it up, looked at it then threw it against the wall. A piece of glass shot out and hit me in the thigh. I pulled it out and didn't even feel pain, just numbness. Blood wouldn't stop coming out either. I picked up the stuffed animal he won me at the state fair, and threw it out the window, knowing he would see it when he walked by my house. I sat there for a second before my mom came rushing in. She took me to the hospital after that and I fainted from the blood loss before I got stitches. I still have the scar from it. The scar doesn't help me with trying to forget about the past at all. I haven't dated any one since." All the girls give me a look of pity, and Four looks sad also. I wonder why. He isn't involved in this at all.

The game continues for a while, but I lose interest. At 1:30 everyone decides to go home. I get up, say goodbye to everyone, and walk out of the door. Four catches up to me.

"You really haven't dated anyone since then?"

"No, I don't see the need, or even have the want."

"Oh wow, you really loved him huh."

"No. When you love someone you never stop loving them, not fully anyways. I will always love him." I stop and look at Four. He looks confused, and I don't know why I'm about to tell him this, but I am. "I miss him. So much, it's become almost unbearable. I would do anything to see him again." He looks at me with a look that I can't explain. I think it's determination.

"Come with me, I want to show you something." He grabs my hand and pulls me to his car. I text Chrissy saying I'm going home with Four.

"What are you going to show me." he looks over at me for a very brief second.

"It's a secret." Wow not scary at all. We drive in a comfortable silence, occasionally talking and singing. We reach a place I think is his house. His house is big and beautiful. It looks like a newer house but still has the old, farm house kind of feel. I bet the inside has the same kind of feeling to it. Homey and comfortable.

"Why are we at your house exactly?" I question him. He looks at me for a second. He looks like he is trying to decide between something.

"Because I need to show you something. Stay here I'll be right back."

"Ok." Is all I could get out before he closed his car door and starts walking up to his house. My mind is racing with questions. What is he going to show me? Should I be scared? Can I trust Four? I really hope I can.


	7. Chapter 7

Five minutes later, Four walks out of his house, holding something in his hands. He walks over to the side of the car I'm in and opens it.

"It would be better if we were both standing." He looks at me, then the thing in his hand, then at me again. I slowly get out of car. Why'd I agree to this? He's scaring me. I grip my phone tightly just in case. Once I'm out of his car I take a look at what he's holding in his hand for the first time, and it looks like it's a picture frame. Why is he giving me a picture frame, or showing me a picture frame at least. He slowly hands me the picture frame. I put my hand out and take it. I look at it for a second before I realizing that I, too, have the same exact picture. It's sitting on my bathroom counter, it's the one I threw at the wall so many years ago. It's of me and Toby. I wasn't wrong all this time, it really is him. His eyes don't just look alike by chance, they are the same beautiful eyes I've known my whole life. I look into the eyes I've missed for years and try to hold back the tears in my own.

"Toby?" Is all I can get out, because if I try to speak any more I will break down

"Hey Bea." A look of relief and joy crosses his face, the face I knew looked so familiar. I throw my self into his strong steady arms, and he happily wraps his around me and puts his face in my hair. "I missed you too." I break when he says that, I start crying into his chest. I don't know if they are happy tears, sad tears, angry tears, or just tears that come with no emotion at all. He rubs my back while I try to choke up a few words.

"I m-missed you s-so m-m-much Tobias." He pushes away from me for a second and I already miss his warmth. He looks down at me while I look up at him, he takes his thumb and slowly wipes my tears away. He gives me a smile that shows on his whole face. Making his eyes even more perfect.

"I've wanted to do this for as long as I remember." He says. He leans down and smashes his soft lips against mine. It is messy and imperfect, filled with hunger, desire, and love. I pull away to look into his eyes. Our foreheads touching, looking into one another's eyes feels so perfect, so right.

"I've wanted to see you since a second after you left so I win." I give him a small smile.

"I'm so sorry Bea." He says, a great sadness washing over his face.

"For what?"

"For leaving you alone, for causing you so much pain."

"I understand now why you did it, it makes sense."

"It still doesn't make it right, and I did see it by the way, the elephant that you threw out the window, the one I got you. I saw it."

"When I got back from the hospital I picked it up, washed it, and now it's good as new. I actually still, um, have it." I bite my lip for the last part.

"Really?" He asks hopefully. "and you're really cute when you bite your lip like that." I blush. "And when you blush." I turn a even darker shade of pink it almost looks red.

"Um yeah, and the picture, I re-framed it." He smiles as he pulls me into a hug. It's a hug that is tighter than any other hug I've ever felt before.

"Well as much as I love this, I have to get you home. It's really late." I don't want to let him go but I know he is right, my parents are probably worried. I pull away and nod at him. He opens my door for me once again and I get in. He walks around the front of his truck and gets in. He sets the picture down in the middle consul. I pick it up to look at it again. I can't believe it's really him.

"Did you know it was me when I got here on the first day?" I ask.

"When I saw you in the hall I thought I knew who you were but you just looked really different. Even more beautiful than before," I blush when he calls me beautiful. "But when we sat by each other in science and math and you said your name my thoughts were proved right. It really was the girl that I left so many years ago but still haven't gotten over." I look down at my lap to try and hide the blush and smile he just made appear on my face. The face he thinks is beautiful.

"Why did you cringe when I said your name? Or nickname I mean."

"Because it killed me knowing you didn't know who I was, when I knew who you were. Now I have a question for you. Why didn't you tell people about Marcus whenever you told the story? Why did you just say a bad person or bad guy?"

"Because I always promised you I would never tell anyone about what he did to you."

"I thought promises don't mean a thing to you." He looks over to me for a few seconds and smirks. How did he know about that?

"How do you know he wrote that about us?"

"I was there to you know, for that whole thing." He chuckles. I didn't think he was a reader though!

"I didn't know you were a reader!"

"Oh I'm not, unless it's your dad's books. He is a genius!"

"He's been trying to write a sequel to promises don't mean a thing to me, but I told him not to, that it ends perfectly."

"Yeah or he could continue it, write about all that's happening between us now."

"Yeah true. Chrissy still doesn't know that he is my dad." I say laughing.

"Well, it's Chrissy what do you expect." I laugh even harder. The rest of the car ride is like this. Talking and laughter. He drops me off at my house and I unbuckle my seatbelt. I lean over and kiss him on the cheek.

"Goodnight Tobias." He smiles and returns the kiss but this time on my lips.

"Goodnight Bea." I get out of the car but he grabs my wrist before I can close the door. I look at him expectantly. "I love you." He says while I smile at him. I slowly walk inside and I am met by my dad, who's sitting in the dining room with his laptop. He looks over at me, smiles, then takes a sip of his drink that I'm guessing is coffee. Black with 7 packets of sugar.

"Hi sweetie. Did you have fun."

"Yeah I did, you'll never believe it, guess who I met... Again." He laughs at my excitement.

"Who honey."

"Toby!" I nearly scream. I'm lucky my mom went away to visit some old friends in Oregon for a few days, or else I would've woken her up.

"That's great sweetie, so tell me what are your plans with me meeting your friends tomorrow?" Oh right that.

"Ok my friends are really big fans of yours, especially Christina, and they don't know your my dad! So I was thinking, since they are coming at noon you could be in your office, because they think they are just coming here so we can go somewhere to meet you, and then I could text you when they are all here and you could come out of your office and meet them. Is that ok?" He chuckles slightly and nods his head yes in agreement.

"Sounds amazing. Can't wait. Now go to bed, it's really late." I just walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek and type goodnight on his laptop.

"By the way if you want to write a sequel to promises don't mean a thing I have an idea for it." He nods his head and turns back to his laptop and continues writing. I walk upstairs and go to my room. I get ready for bed real quick and go to lay down. Once I lay down I fall asleep immediately.

* * *

I wake up the next morning thinking of Toby. I look at my clock and see that it's 9:52. I get up and go to the bathroom. I take a long, hot shower, just letting the hot water run down my back. When I get out my back is red and irritated but I don't care. I do what I always do when I get out of the shower. After I get dressed in some leggings and a sweater I go downstairs to grab something to eat. My phone vibrates in my hand and I look at who it's from. Caleb.

'If I came home, and brought a friend with me would you promise not to hit on him' I can't believe him.

'I wouldn't anyways, I know it's hard for you to wrap your tiny little head around this, but I'm not a whore or whatever you think I am!'

'Yeah whatever well I'm coming home tomorrow for a week and I'm bringing my friend Peter with me'

'K, I don't care' wow, I have a douche for a brother. I walk into the kitchen and grab a banana. I sit there on my phone while eating the banana. I look at the clock and it's 11:50 now.

"Dad, can you go to your office now and work in there till I text you? It's 11:50!" I yell.

"Sure honey!" He yells back. I laugh to myself and throw my banana peel away. 11:58. 11:59. Ding dong! The sound of the door bell rings through my large house.

"Coming!" I yell. I run to the front door and open It. Lynn, Marlene, Shauna, and Chrissy all come it.

"Nice house. So when are we going to see Andrew prior!" Chrissy says, doing the weird girl thing with her voice and body. I laugh at her and start walking into the kitchen.

"One minute I have to text my dad saying I'm leaving. I forget to tell him this morning when he left." Chrissy gives me a look that says 'I know your lying to me but I'm gunna let it slide.' I smirk while I get my phone out to text my dad that we are in the kitchen. He texts back immediately saying 'ok sounds good'. About 30 seconds later my dad comes walking in with a cup of something hot in his hands, either tea or coffee. He looks so goofy with his glasses so thick they could be another one of his books. Christina's jaw drops almost to the floor.

"Hey dad," I go over and hug him. "Chrissy close your mouth before you catch flies." She closes her gaping mouth before trying to say something.

"W-what? He's Y-YOUR dad?" She says still looking confused. Emphisizing the your.

"Yeah he is. So dad meet Chrissy, Shauna, Lynn, and Marlene." I say pointing to each person when I say their names. "Chrissy, Lynn, Shauna, and Marlene, meet my dad, Andrew prior." They all are to shocked to speak. My dad seems to notice and he just chuckles.

"You can ask questions if you want." My dad tells them. This seems to flip a switch in Chrissy because that's exactly what she does.

"Did you write 'promises don't mean a thing to me' about someone or something? Will there be a sequel to that book? If so what would it be called?" My dad puts his hand up to stop her.

"I did write it about someone," he says while pointing at me. "Her and Tobias. I haven't decided if I want to write one yet, but if I do it would be called 'promises are meant to be broken' now anymore questions?" Chrissy looks like she is trying to find more questions from the back of her brain.

"You know you could ask him another time also since he is my dad." I say laughing at her. The rest of the girls still look speechless. I laugh at them and turn to my dad.

"Thank you dad, love you." I say he says your welcome then kisses me on the cheek. He walks back into his office to continue working. The girls and I decide to stay in all day, watch movies and talk. So that's what we do. I decide not to tell them that Four is Tobias yet because I don't know if he wants me to or not. The rest of the day is filled with laughter and tears from the movies and each other. The day is almost perfect. Only one this was missing, and that was Toby.


	8. Chapter 8

All the girls stayed over last night so we could continue our movie marathon. I get up from our layout we have on the ground and check my phone. One new text message from Toby.

'Good morning beautiful' I smile to myself. I still can't believe he thinks I'm beautiful. No ones ever said I'm beautiful, except my parents but they don't count. I text him back after I think about what I should say for a second or to.

'Good morning :)' we text back and forth for a while before I hear someone groaning. I look over and find Chrissy slowly getting up.

"Tris why are you smiling like an idiot." I laugh at her and shake my head. She notices that I have my phone in my hand and that I'm texting someone. No not just someone, him, Tobias, Toby. My Toby. "Who are you texting? Is it a boy? Is that why your smiling so much? Do you actually like someone Tris!?" So many questions. I put my hand up to stop her.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, you'll never know!" I say raising my voice sassily for the last part. She raises her eyebrow at me in a challenging way.

"Oh really, I can't believe that you think that! And I will know by the way. I don't know if you know this yet but I am known as the human lie detector!" She says nearly yelling at me. Some of the girls slowly start getting up because of the sound we are making.

"Well I'm not good at lying so it should be easy for you to tell if I'm lyingr not lying." I smirk. I hear someone, I don't know who, yell at me and Chrissy to stop talking/yelling at each other. I laugh for a minute before I get attacked by a very determined Christina.

"I will know who you are texting!" She yells at me.

"You know you could ask nicely and then maybe, just maybe I would tell you!" I yell back, smirking evilly. I will tell her Four, if it tell her anyone at all. She backs off of me and stands up.

"Fine! Who are you texting?" She asks trying to look all innocent. I decide to play with her a little bit more. I get up, I mimic what she's doing, and try to give the most innocent tone and look I can muster.

"I don't know, someone just started texting me Chrissy poo!" I bat my eyelashes and swing side to side. All of the girls are watching our little 'battle', some half asleep, some smiling and laughing at us.

"LIE!" She screams at me. I text Toby as fast as I can asking for help. He responds right away 'that'd be no fun!' He texts back. I've been telling him what Chrissy has been doing to me this whole time. I try to hide it but I can't, I smile again. "There it is again!" I laugh at how determined she is to find out just who I'm texting.

"All in good time my friend!" I yell, lowering my voice a few notches. She just huffs and walks back over to where she slept the night before, and lays down.

"Fine! But you know I will found out sooner or later."

"I'm counting on it!" I say as I smile at her. I continue texting Tobias, the boy who is back in my life. I still can't believe it.

'Bea, we should keep this a secret from everyone I think. I don't want them to know my real name.'

'Ok, yeah I agree, to early.'

I'm slightly disappointed that he doesn't want to show it to keep his identity safe, but I also get it. It would raise up questions, and he doesn't want questions. I love him to much to hurt him.

The rest of the morning is pretty uneventful. Just a bunch of talking, laughing, and joking.

* * *

*time skip- Monday morning*

My weekend was filled with giggling girls and sore thumbs from texting Tobias so much. My Tobias. My brother came home for a week yesterday with his friend Peter. Peter kind of scares me, he gives out a pervert and giant douche kind of vibe. I get up and get ready quickly. Wearing a long black dress with super thin straps meeting to get her in the back, joining a long think piece of fabric. It's a long plain dress. It fits like a tube so it hides the size of my boobs mostly. Except for the top of course. I add a long necklace and some black boots. My hair goes into a messy ballerina bun, and my face gets mascara. That's it. Very plain, and simple, but that's the way I like it. Simple beauty is the best look for me. I go downstairs backpack in hand and grab an apple. I already brushed my teeth so this seemed like the best choice. I take a bite of my apple as I take a step out of the door. The walk to the coffee shop is not long, and I'm glad. I walk in and have 45 minutes until I have to be at school. I walk behind the counter and wrap my arms around my mom.

"Need any help?" I ask her. She thinks for a second before answering.

"No, wait, yes. Get your dad another cup of coffee. It would mean a lot to him." I smile and nod. I look over at my goofy father, he is staring intently at his computer screen. It looks like he is trying to edit something of his. I wonder what. I make the coffee for him quickly and put it in his special mug. I add 7 packets of sugar. Perfect. I stir it and then take it over to my dad. I set it in front of him. He mumbles a small thanks but doesn't look up from his computer. Weird.

"What cha doin'?" I ask. He looks up and smiles a big smile. He is editing a chapter for a book he is writing.

"I'm editing the first chapter of my new book!" He says excited. He looks like a toddler on Christmas Day. I smile at this, my dad's always been a kid at heart, that's why we get along so well. I sit down.

"Ooh, what's it going to be called?" He looks at me and his smile gets even bigger if that's even possible.

"Promises are meant to be broken." I look at him shocked. I told him my idea for it yesterday, but I didn't think he would actually use it. Actually it was Tobias' idea. I sit there for a while and just chit chat with my dad, him asking me for my opinion on things. I look at the time and see that I have to be at school in 10 minutes. I stand up and kiss my dad on the cheek.

"Bye dad. Love you, see ya later!" He nods while going back to his work. I laugh-if you call breathing out of your nose a little more than usual in a small pattern laughing-at him. I go behind the counter. I grab my back pack and say goodbye to my mom.

"Goodbye sweetie! Have a good day at school! Love you!" I give her a back hand wave as I walk out of the door. I put my earbuds in and turn on my music. I pick a song and turn it up as much as I can. I start singing along to the lyrics, getting lost in the music.

_Pick it up, pick it all up_

_And start again_

_You've got a second chance_

_You could go home _

_Escape it all_

_It's just irrelevant _

_It's just medicine_

_It's just medicine_

_You could still be _

_What you want to_

_What you said you were_

_When I met you_

You've got a warm heart

You've got a beautiful brain

_But it's disintegrating_

_From all the medicine _

_From all the medicine_

_From all the medicine_

_Medicine_

_You could still be_

_What you want to be_

_What you said you were_

_When you met me_

_You could still be_

_What you want to_

_What you said you were_

_When I met you_

_When you met me_

_When I met you_

_Ooooooooo..._

_Ooooooooo..._

When I was almost done with the song I arrived at the school. I didn't know how loud I was singing until I pull out my earbuds and heard clapping, hollering, and shouting. Damn it. Chrissy runs up to me, tears in her eyes.

"TRISSY! THAT WAS SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL AND GHOSTLY AND AMAZING AND EERIE AND, OH MY GOD THAT WAS PERFECT!" A tear spills over and she quickly wipes it away, probably not wanting to ruin her makeup.

"Um, thanks, I think. I didn't mean to, I mean I did, but, I. I." I stop for a second before continuing. "I didn't want anyone to hear me. That was a mistake, just pretend you didn't hear that." I say finishing off my thoughts. She violently shakes her head no.

"No way in hell I'd do that!" Great, just great. The rest of our group, not including Tobias, walks over to me. They all looked amazed and I just sink back into myself, or try to at least. Where is Toby?

"Tris, that was amazing!" Marlene yells

"For reals! That was the best thing I've ever heard!" Uri, this time, says. People all around me agree with them both. I say thanks a continue walking. I walk into the school and I'm immediately bombarded with 'good jobs' and 'you're an amazing singer' so on and so on. I blush such a deep shade of red that it would put even the ripest, brightest tomatoes to shame. I walk to my locker and grab my stuff for my first class. I hurry across the school and arrive in record time. I'm one of the first people in class. I go sit down in my seat and I pull out my notebook and a pencil. I start drawing. I get lost into the pencil meeting the paper, the dark gray color of the graphite. The pink eraser marks that have the slight gray of the graphite still coating it. I'm pulled out of my intense drawing state by him. Tobias. My Tobias.

"Hey." He smiles at me. It's the type of smile that reaches his eyes. Oh his eyes. His beautiful deep dark blue eyes that I could get lost in forever. I realize I'm just staring at him with no emotion.

"Hey." I smile back at him. It's a small smile, a smile just for him. My thoughts are interrupted by our teacher starting class. The rest of the day is the same. Start of class, boringness, end of class, get up, walk out, walk in, sit down, repeat. When it's lunch me and Toby sit across from each other, stealing glances every now and then, but not wanting to give anything away. After lunch it's the same boring cycle. Everything about this day is boring, ordinary, and disappointing. I know I have a scary night ahead of me since it's the first night I actually meet Caleb's friend Peter. I managed to avoid him yesterday by staying in my room, but my parents are going to make me meet him. I'd do anything to make them proud.


	9. Chapter 9

When I walk into the house everything seems off. It's like my brain is trying to tell me something, but very subtly. This is what I imagined a horror movie would be like in real life. Like if you walked into the bathroom and pulled the shower curtains away a guy in a mask with a big kitchen knife would be waiting for you. I knew that wasn't what was going to happen but it still lingered in the back of my mind. I walk into the house and find Caleb and his friend playing video games.

"You suck!" His friend yells at my brother.

"No dude, that's gay. I don't do that." Is he really that stupid? I chuckle in disbelief. I walk to the kitchen and grab and granola bar. I run upstairs and go to my room. I get on my phone, listening to my music. About 45 minutes later, my mom walks into my room and takes a look at me.

"Come on honey, come meet your brothers friend. He seems pretty nice. Very cute to!" She winks at me and I inwardly groan while rolling my eyes. She doesn't know I met Tobias again yet. I get up and walk down stairs with her. He's a little taller than Caleb, with blonde hair and bright green eyes. His eyes are very pretty, but not as pretty as the ones I've known my whole life. He stares at me with a hungry look and I know that can't mean anything good.

"Hello, I'm Tris, very nice to meet you." I say extending my hand out to him. He takes a step closer and grabs my hand with his. I don't like the way he touches me, it makes me feel unsafe.

"Well hello Tris, it really is a pleasure to meet you. I'm Peter." He smirks at me. It makes me want to run away, hide, and never come out. I pull back and give him a small smile that doesn't reach my eyes. My mom must notice that I'm uncomfortable so she grabs my hand and starts to pull me to the kitchen.

"We'll be right back boys with some snacks!" She says giving them a smile and a wave. They both turn towards the tv. I see Peter lean in and whisper something to Caleb. Caleb turns to him and smirks while chuckling slightly. What did he say? We walk into the kitchen and my mom grabs the cheese out of the fridge with a knife and a cutting board. I walk over to the pantry and get out crackers.

"You ok sweetie?" She always knows when I'm upset.

"Uhh, yeah, it's just, Peter gives off this weird vibe, like he is trying to get something from me, if you know what I mean." She nods her head as she continues cutting the cheese in even slices, occasionally giving me a piece. I eat the cheese like I always do and my mom just starts chuckling under her breath. It's warm and familiar.

"What?" I ask my tone sounding a bit lighter than before.

"Nothing, it's just you eat your cheese so weird, always have, probably always will." I smile at her. We plate the cheese and crackers and walk back into the living room, ghosts of smiles hints at our faces. Peter stands up and thanks my mom for the snack. He might not be so bad, but he still gives me and uneasy feeling. Peter walks over to me and leans over so his mouth is right next to my ear. His warm breath tickles my ear and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"You are the finest piece of ass I have ever seen, so how bout tomorrow I pick you up and we can go do something, if you know what I mean." He pulls away and winks at me. Shivers run up and down my spine.

"Uh thanks but no thanks." My suspicions about him are confirmed. He is trouble.

"Ok but if you ever want to take me up on that, you know where to find me." He says a smile playing on his lips. It's an evil smile, the type you see on villains faces when they think they are about to destroy the hero. I dismiss my self to my room after I say goodbye. I run up stairs, tears threatening to spill over. He is so gross. Why would he say that. I'm so disgusted. I go sit down on my bed, my eyes stinging from the tears that I will not allow to fall. I am strong, I am brave. I keep replaying the evening over and over again in my head before I fall asleep.

Ugh, school. I sit up slowly, and remember what Peter said to me last night. I'm not going to tell Tobias about this because he would kill Peter. I get up and get ready quickly, jeans and a tank top since it's getting colder but is still sorta warm. I pull a sweater over it just for the morning. I slide my sandals on and grab a banana muffin. I quickly eat the muffin and head out the door as fast as I can before I see Peter or Caleb. I walk to the Coffee Shop and notice Chrissy sitting at a table, drinking some sort of hot drink, reading a magazine. I make myself a steamer, like always, and walk over to Chrissy and sit across from her. I take a sip of my steamer before asking,

"What cha doing?" She looks up at me, then my outfit, then my messy bun, then my shoes, then back at my eyes again.

"You look totally adorable! Except really? The Jesus sandals? Oh and I'm drinking tea while reading vogue!"she states excitedly. I smile at her while shaking my head no, and drink my steamer while pulling out my phone. I haven't checked it all morning. 3 text messages from Toby.

'Goodnight love :)'

'Good morning Bea'

'I miss you'

A smile spreads across my face, and Christina seems to notice. Damn it.

"Who you texting, is it that boy you won't tell me the name of?" I blush slightly

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. You'll never know!" I quickly text back Toby.

'Good morning miss you too'

':) you should come to school early I have to show you something' weird.

'Uh ok, this better be good, you know I hate surprises' I get up and clean out my cup.

"Bye Chrissy poo, so you at school!" I smile at her. She just gives me a little play glare and sticks her tongue out at me. I smile and turn to walk out, and my smile immediately disappears as the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Oh no.

**A/N: hey guys, thank you so much for your awesome reviews! They really motivated me to keep writing this so, here you guys go!**


	10. Chapter 10

Oh no. It's him, the one I've been trying to avoid all morning. Peter. He notices me and smiles evilly at me.

"Can't get enough of me can you?" He smiles at me while his eyes have a threatening look of hunger in them. This can't be good. I just avoid eye contact and try to walk away. He walks I front of me and stops abruptly, causing me to run into him. "I'm going to pick you up at 7:00 tonight, better be ready in something nice."

"I uh actually have a boyfriend and don't really want to, so thanks but no thanks." I say trying to be as nice as I can.

"That hasn't stopped any one." He winks at me taking one step forward confidently. This gets me totally enraged. Something snaps in me while I take a step back, distancing myself from him.

"I'm done trying to be nice to you! Leave me alone! I don't want to go on a stupid ass date with a scumbag like your self so just back off!" Tears threaten to spill over, they aren't the kind of tears that come from sadness though, but the kind from pure anger. He steps back putting his hands up defensively.

"Fine wow, ok." He starts walking away and I do too before I hear him mumble loud enough for me to hear. "You're gunna regret that sweetheart." Oh shit. My heart starts to beat out of my chest, my hands and feet go numb, and all I can think is. Run. So that's what I do, I run and run, my backpack slowing me down, but not by much. I don't run to school, or home, I just run aimlessly. I finally arrive at the park near the school, only a block or two away. I walk around looking at things and catch my breath. Dammit I have to be at school in 10 minutes. I get up and run again, this time to school, so much for being early. While I was running a few tears spilled over leaving very faint mascara lines on my cheeks. I try to rub them away but they won't budge, so I just give up. There it is, the school. I don't want to be here today, I wanna be at home, sleeping. Safe. Tobias is waiting outside, a worried look shadowing his face. I walk up to him, his worried face going away when he sees me from afar, only to return when he sees my face and tear stained cheeks. I completely forget he was going to show me something, and apparently so does he.

"Oh Bea what happened? Why were you crying? Who did this to you? Who do I have to kill?" Tobias gets more and more angry and I know I have to stop him before he acts before he thinks.

"Tobias," my voice cracks. I clear my throat and begin to talk again. "Let it go… Please… I'll tell you later… when we are alone and have more than 5 minutes." I give him a pleading look and his eyes soften. He takes a step toward me and wraps his arms around me in one swift motion.

"Do you promise you will? I hate seeing you so damn upset, it kills me." I take a step back and look into his eyes. His deep blue eyes, as deep as the ocean, as big as the galaxy, fit into the small oval shape that is his eye. I don't trust myself to speak so I just nod. I look down at my feet, then at the door. My mind is yelling at me, and staying completely quite at the same time. I'm at a war with myself and I'm losing. Tobias and I start walking towards the building that has the name of a school, but is truly a prison. The classrooms are the jail cells, the teachers are the prison guards… and all of us unlucky children, well we are the prisoners, being forced to do things we don't want to do. I walk to each class mechanically, just going through the motions. Science, stupid. Math, boring. Art, amazing. Gym, even better. Lunch, not hungry. AP language, terrible. Language arts, so boring. Social studies, sucked. I walk to my locker and put my books and stuff in my backpack. I don't want to go home, I don't want to go to the coffee shop, and I certainly don't want to go anywhere with Tobias right now because he's going to make me talk about what happened and I really don't want to talk about it. I walk to the park that I ran to this morning.

While I was there this morning, I found this little cave right next to this river that is hidden almost completely by bushes and trees. The only reason I found it was because I was walking around for a few minutes before I checked my phone, and I saw these beautiful bushes. The flowers growing on them were so extravagant and elegant. I was looking at the bush and went to the back to see if there were any on the back. I pushed the big green bush away and it opened up into a little cave, big enough for two grown, 6 foot muscle men. I stepped back, letting the bush swing back and admired how it was hidden so well. By this time I checked my phone, checking the time and my face, rubbing my cheeks, then walking to school. Since I just arrived again, I go to the cave thing and examine the flowers once again, picking some off. My flower collection is getting to big for one hand so I stop. I pull the bush back and step inside, letting go of the bush. I am immediately engulfed in darkness. This darkness is different from any other darkness I've ever experienced. It's comfortable. It's not the kind of darkness where you want to curl up in a ball and hide because you feel like if you move, something will get you. This kind of darkness is welcoming, it's like it's talking to me saying 'I won't hurt you like everyone and everything else, I will only love you and let you live in peace. I won't let you go baby, your safe with me.' I take out my phone to check the time and text my mom.

'Hey, I'm at the park by the school, I'll be home later tonight.'

'Okay. Are you okay sweetie?'

'Yeah, just have a lot on my mind is all. I'll be fine :)'

Do you ever have those times when you're texting someone while crying, hoping your sadness and pain won't spill out through your word usage. This moment is a time like that. I'm on the brink of tears but I can't let anyone see me. I have to be strong… I have to be brave.

I spend hours there in that little cave, letting my thoughts change and move. When my thoughts and ideas change, so do my emotions. One minute I'm crying my eyes out, mascara and eye liner lining my cheeks with a black line of coal, the next I'm smiling and laughing at old memories or dreams. Each thought bringing a new one to either accompany it or make it abandon my mind. I get my phone out, my mind landed on a thought of my home and my mom. When I check the time it reads '6:37'. damn it. I get up, crouching slightly in the cave, and prepare myself for the brightness that is the outside world. I pull the bushes back and step out of the cave. One day I will have to bring Tobias with me, but not today. Today I get home and hide away in my room. Again.

I start walking forward, and turn slightly, still covered by the canopy of leaves and branches above me. I look in the camera and notice my cheeks have thick lines of black as dark as the bottom of an abyss running down them. I lick my finger and smudge it in an attempt to get it off. I quickly get the idea to take water from the river and wash my face. I slowly walk over to it, not wanting to draw to much attention. I cup my hands on the cold water and splash it on my face, careful not to get it on my clothes. I start to wipe the black away. I look in my camera, it's going away but I have to do it a few more times. Splash. Rub. Splash. Rub. I look once more. It's all gone, leaving my face makeup-less and red. I take the bottom of my shirt and pat my face dry. The only sign I have been crying recently is my red puffy cheeks and eyes. By the time I get home, it's died down enough that you would have to look really really close to see the red puffy-ness. My dad's probably out back smoking a cigarette, a new thing he started doing a few weeks ago. My mom, she's either in her room reading, on the couch reading, or out back with my dad reading. Her and her books. Connected forever. It's like she has this bond with the thin paper that has the ink slapped on it, like she can hear it, hear what it's really trying to say to her, the reader. It really is something else.

I take a step through the front door as quietly as I can, shutting the door slowly behind me. I put one lead foot in front of the other in an attempt of walking. I make it up stairs and into my room. I close my door and lock it. My hands are shaking and my vision is getting blurry with tears by the minute. I fall to my knees, my body shaking and my lungs begging for air. I'm getting suffocated by my own tears. My breath is shaking and I start hyperventilating. I tried keeping it in for so long. So damn long. Does anyone even care anymore? Who am I kidding, of course no one does, why would they like a stupid fat ugly slut like me. Would they care if I died? Would they even give two shits? Stupid question, I know the answer already, they wouldn't. I've been lying to myself all this time. Tobias only likes me because he knew the old me, and fell "in love" with her, but I've changed. I know now that if he didn't know me back then, he would only think of me as some sort of object to get something he wants. And the gang? They only "care" about me because I know Tobias. My parents are the only ones who care, and the only ones who will ever care. Sometimes though, your parents aren't enough, they can't relate to you like people your age could. My own brother doesn't even care about me. I'm pathetic. A worthless excuse of a human being. I am a burden to everyone around me, especially my parents. I should just leave and never come back. That would be so helpful to everyone I know. Then I could also escape from this hell I've been living in. Would it work? I wouldn't be able to do. I would be a coward and not go through with it. Maybe. I should try. Not right now, but another day, when no ones home, I'll get the rope and a chair and end it all. Relieve every one of the burden that is Beatrice Leanne Prior.

I hear a ringing in my ears, Ring... Ring... Ring... Right... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring. My phone! I take it out. 23 text messages from the gang, 17 of which from Tobias. 13 missed calls. 4 from Christina, 9 from Tobias. My tears start to dry, leaving my eyes burning and my cheeks red and puffy. I've moved from my floor to my bed, now surrounded by tons of blankets and pillows. I read the texts first.

1. **Tobias**: Hey, you ok?

2. **Tobias**: I didn't see you after school.

3. **Tobias**: You seemed really upset this morning.

4. **Tobias**: Tris?

5. **Tobias**: Hello?

6. **Tobias**: Are you ignoring me?

7. **Tobias**: What did I do?

8. **Tobias**: Bea?

9. **Tobias**: Are you mad at me Bea?

10. **Tobias**: Is that why your ignoring me?

11. **Tobias**: Please tell me what I did wrong I need to know so I can fix it. Please!

12. **Tobias**: Why won't you answer my calls? Are you ok?

13. **Tobias**: Not even Christina's calls?

14. **Tobias**: I don't even know what I did! Not even a clue!

15. **Tobias**: Beatrice Leanne Prior! What the hell!

16. **Tobias**: Answer me... Please

17. **Tobias**: I'm going to come over there and talk to you. I don't care if you like it or not!

18. **Christina**: Hey girl you ok? You seemed like your body was at school all day but you mind was somewhere else.

19. **Christina**: Four looks so terrible right now, I've never seen him so upset. He keeps pacing back and forth and won't listen to anyone. You need to talk to him somehow because if you don't I think he's gunna lose it.

20. **Christina**: Why won't you answer any of our calls? We love you sweetie and want to know if your all right!

21. **Christina**: Four just said he was gunna go over there so he's on his way.

22. **Uriah**: Tris, you ok? Big four here doesn't think so and he's about to throw someone off a cliff. I don't want to be thrown off a cliff!

23. **Uriah**: Dood Four's coming over there. He thinks you hate him right now.

Oh no. They think something's wrong... Well things are, but not like that. As if right on que, there's a knocking at the door. I hear my mom go to open it.

"Hi sweetie? Are you here for Caleb? I can call him for you." I barely hear my mom from my room, but her voice is sweet, welcoming.

"Um no I'm here to see Tris. Is she here? Can I see her?" Tobias sounds frantic and afraid. Feelings of guilt shoot through me. I made him feel like this. This is all my fault.

"Yeah she's h..." my mom doesn't get to finish because Tobias interrupts her.

"Where! This is really important! I need to see her right now!"

"Upstairs, down the hall three doors to your left." I can just hear the smile in her voice. I think I hear a thank you before I hear heavy footsteps sprinting up the stairs. The sound of the footsteps approach my door quickly. There is no hesitation before it's opened. I see Tobias standing at the door way. I try to give him a small smile when his eyes land on mine, but it doesn't seem to work. He runs to my bed and I'm immediately tangled up in his arms. He holds me there in his arms so tight for a few minutes, but when it's over I wish it could've continued forever. He pulls back and looks into my eyes for a couple minutes before he speaks.

"What'd I do Bea? Why won't you answer my texts or calls? Not even Christina?" Tobias has sadness in his eyes. He rubs my cheek with his thumb, pulling my tear away.

"You didn't do anything Toby," I reach out and touch his face before I continue. "I didn't realize you texted or called till like 4 minutes ago. I'm sorry"

"Okay good, I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I hurt you in any way. Wait, Tris. Have you been crying?" The look of sadness quickly turns to anger. "Who did this? Who do I have to kill?" He repeats what he said this morning, and I can feel the corners of my mouth turn up slightly.

"Tobias, it's nothing. I'll tell you another day, just not today. I don't want to talk about it." I'm hoping he won't push it, and he doesn't.

"Okay. You know that thing I was gunna show you this morning?" He looks excited, like he's been waiting for weeks to show me what he is about to.

"What is it?" I ask. He just smiles at me while pulling a big square box out of his pocket. He slowly opens it up and pulls out the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen. It has a medium length silver chain with two beautiful small charms hanging off of it. A small cursive looking 'T' and a small silver heart are there staring at me."Tobias! This is beautiful! What's the 'T' for? Me or you?" He smiles at what I think was for my last question.

"It's for whoever you want it to be for." His smile falters for a second I barely notice it. "Hey Bea can you promise me something? Don't tell the gang my name? I don't want anyone else to know but you." His face has turned serious and I can tell he really needs me to promise him this.

"I promise." I whisper. Whispering just sounds like the right thing to do. Before I know what's happening, I'm surrounded by him, his scent tickling the inside of my nose. We sit like that for what feels like hours. I didn't realize just how tired I was until he was hugging me. It must be about 10:30 11:00 ish. I slowly start drifting in and out of sleep. I'm almost asleep, and Tobias must think I am because he lets go of me and slowly lays my head on my pillow, pulling the blanket up so it covers me. I must smile a little because he chuckles deeply before he kisses my forehead. I think he says 'I love you Bea' but I can't really understand him because I'm 97% asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! I'm hitting the off button, but it won't turn off. I do this for two minutes before I realize I'm only turning it off in my dreams. I turn it off while I groan at my moment of stupidity, sitting up slightly. My eyes hurt from crying last night, and I bet they're red too. I sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes, which hurts. Little rays of sunshine pull through my window. I get up and walk over to the other side of my room to turn my light on. My light is one of those 'you turn it on and it's really dim then gradually it gets brighter' kinda lights. I look in the mirror as my face and body shape become more defined. I turn and walk to my dresser to get my clothes for today. It's Thursday so it's nothing special. I pick out some leggings and a big baggy sweater. I put my long straight hair up in a ballet bun. I pull on the bun, making it loose, then the part leading to my bun, making that loose also. A few pieces stick out so I just take them and tuck them into the hair band, not bothering with bobby pins. I then put on mascara lazily. My eyes, as I guessed, are still a little red. I look in the mirror grabbing hold of the edge of the counter. 'Get through the day Tris.' I think to myself, 'you can do this. Your stronger than them, than this. Be brave.' I brush my teeth, and get my back pack ready. I put on my Uggs then grab my back pack and walk out of the house. I don't want to eat right now, so I don't.

I arrive at the coffee shop. I don't have to be at school for 45 minutes so I went here because I want to be home as little as possible with Peter still lurking around. He leaves next Monday with my brother to go back to collage thankfully. I find my dad sitting at our family's table. The glass top can be removed and you can put pictures underneath if you want to. When we bought this place, we made sure it would have this table. My mom let me pick the pictures and put them together for the table. It's still not done, but over time I will finish it. It's mostly pictures of me, my mom, and my dad. My favorite was when we went to an Oregon duck football game when I was 6. Me and my parents had the worst seats. I hated the loudness, and so did my parents, but it was the best day. This was when me and Caleb were still like siblings, and he was the only one who liked it. The loud atmosphere. I walk over to the table and sit with him, taking out my notebook and pencil. He hasn't noticed me yet, too wrapped up in his writing. He has earbuds in, probably listening to classical like he always does when he is writing, or about to write. I scribble down a few words and rip out the paper, putting it over his computer so he is forced to read it.

'I have an idea for you if you want to hear it.' He reads, then takes out his ear buds.

"I would love to hear it." He smiles at me, not caring that I interrupted him and his work.

"I want you to write a sequel to promises don't mean a thing to me. But you should write about them meeting again 6 years later, and falling even deeper in love." My dad smiles at me and my enthusiasm.

"That sounds like a great idea... Do you have any ideas on what I should do with it?" He asks knowing I'll jump all over it.

"Of course I do! So after they meet again they met friends and there is... 6 friends. They all do stuff together but Tobias and my character have scenes where they are alone and just do stuff. Just enjoy each other's company!" My dad nods along with every word.

"I could do that." He smiles at me and then gets back to work. He puts his earbuds in and I put mine in. I turn on some country music because it just feels like a country kinda day. On my notebook I start sketching out some thing, then adding more defined lines to make a shape. When I'm almost finished it's the symbol for the dauntless faction at my high school. I also only have 7 minutes to get to school. I put everything back in my backpack and get up from the table, kissing my dad on the cheek. I start walking out and I yell back at my mom a goodbye. She returns it right as I walk out the door. I speed walk to school because I don't really feel like walking at a normal pace. I get to school with 4 minutes until they let us inside. I find a bench and sit alone, pulling out my phone. I hear footsteps walking toward me. I look up only to find Peter.

"Damn stiff, it takes you forever to get to school! Whys that? You weren't at home this morning! We couldn't have the little chat I wanted to have." He sits down so close to me that the whole side of my body is touching his. I can't scoot over either because I sat at the end of the bench, good job Tris. I will be brave. I will not act like he gets to me because he doesn't.

"It takes me forever because I don't like school so I take my sweet time!" I smile at him, "and I'm sorry Peter, I wasn't home this morning because I knew if I was and you were there trying to talk to me I would have to beat your sorry little ass!" He looks shocked as I stand up and walk away, my hands balled up in fists.

"Hey you can't talk to me like that!" He shouts as he too, stands up. I turn around and I see Tobias walking toward up out of the corner of my eye, an earshot away from the conversation now.

"She can talk to you however she wants to?" Tobias says in a deadly tone. I look at him, then at Peter, then back at Tobias. He wraps his arm around me protectively.

"Ooh looky here! Is this your so called boyfriend? Why that stupid little boy? I'm a real man in collage. I could show you a better time than this pathetic loser could." Peter spits at Tobias and I immediately feel protective. A low growl escapes me and before I can stop my self I'm walking up to Peter.

"He is more of a man than you'll ever be you coward." I say in a low voice. We are making a scene but that doesn't stop me from continuing. "And also, if you ever think about talking to me or anyone of my friends, I'll have to kill you." I say as I give him a sweet fake smile. I back up from Peter slowly not taking my eyes off him. I turn around a walk away as cool as I can. I still feel Peters eyes burning holes in my back. I have no doubt that he's staring at my butt. My jaw is still clenched and my hands are still in fists. Tobias walks up to my side, he doesn't try talking or holding my hand, we just walk inside together side by side. I think he knows that if he tried to talk to me or hold my hand he would get yelled at, and that wouldn't be pretty. I'm not in the mood for talking at the moment. At my locker I start opening it while Tobias leans against the locker next to mine. He looks at me for a while before speaking.

"First of all, what the hell was that about. Second of all thank you." I must look confused because he elaborates. "Thank you for those complements." Oh that. I blush a little and put my books in my locker. I turn to him for a second to answer him.

"I was only telling the truth and well Peter?..." Is all I'm able to get out before Christina interrupts our conversation.

"TRIS! Woah girl! What the hell was that about sweetie?!"

"That was my brothers friend Peter being a douche bag. He goes back to collage Monday so it's all good." I can tell they both don't believe me, they both can see how terrified I am on the inside.

"Tris you can always come over to my house any time you want! My parents are always out of the house on business trips or personal trips together, and my house is huge so it will be fun! The only thing is I have a little sister." I laugh at her face when she said she has a little sis.

"I love little kids! I might have to take you up on that offer." I say smiling at her. I get my books out of my locker that I need and start my long walk to the other side of the school for my first class. Christina who already has her books walks with me to class. Tobias and I decided we aren't going to spend to much time together in school because then it would be obvious, and everyone will know that we are dating and eventually will know that his name is Tobias. He isn't ready for everyone to know and I respect that. His dad Marcus was a powerful leader, and there was many many rumors that he abused his kid and that's why he left. The rumors are of course true, but no one else knows that. Me and Chrissy arrive at class with 3 minutes left. I get out my pencil and my eraser, starting on my warm ups that are already posted on the board. 1) easy 2) easy 3) easy. This class is so easy, so are all my other classes. I finish before the class even starts, one minute to spare, so I pull out my drawing I started on this morning and work on that. I'm almost done, I just need to add a few more things. Tobias comes in and sits next to me.

"Damn, another one huh?" He gives me an enchanting smile and I can't help but to smile back.

"Thanks Toby." I say barely above a whisper so nobody else can hear me but him. He smiles at me and pulls out his pencil starting on his warm ups. I look over them because he is done fairly quickly. He got the second one wrong but the other two are right. "You know the second ones wrong." I whisper to him so the teacher won't hear us.

"What?" He looks down re-reading his answer, then the question then his answer again.

"You have to do this," I point at my paper, "first, then do the rest like you did it."

"Oh okay, thanks Bea." I give him a small smile as he erases his answer, redoing it. Ms. Matthews goes over the warm ups and I was right. The classes go by one by one, blurring together at the edges, just like a watercolor painting.

Finally, it's lunch. I get in line for my lunch with Chrissy and just listen to her talk, adding in when she asks me a question or I feel is necessary. I keep my meal small, a salad and some fruit, I won't eat all of it either. We walk over to get drinks, I get water, she gets apple juice. We walk over to the table, she sits next to Will, and I sit in the last clear spot next to her, and by Tobias. I'm happy that this is the last open spot, so I get to sit next to the person I love. What. Did I just say that? Or think that, I guess. I know I really really like Tobias, but I've never thought love. I mean I have, but not in the truest form like right now. I know he feels it for me, he's told me many times before, and I just smile at him and walk away, or just smile. He knows how I feel about taking things slow, I've always been that way, so he doesn't push me. Also he knows that when I do say it, I'll mean it with all of my heart. Also when I do say back, it will have to be magical, and he knows I'm waiting for that moment. I mean I'm a junior in high school and I haven't even had my first kiss. I hear someone calling my name, pulling me out of my food playing trance

"Hello? Earth to Tris?" Zeke says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"What? What? Oh sorry." I put my head down to hide the blush creeping on my face. A few people chuckle, not paying attention to me after that. I play with my food a little more before putting a small bite of my fork and eating it, regretting every chew. This is going to make me fat. I immediately put down my fork, putting the lid back on the salad, and taking a drink of my water. Tobias leans closer to me, before he whispers something only me and him can hear. Our little secret.

"Why are you not eating Bea? You ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just not hungry. I'm saving it for later." I say giving him a smile. He smiles back with one of his enchanting smiles and I am immediately hungry again. I can't do this. I have to be brave. Be healthy. I re-open my salad, eyeing it cautiously, like it could attack me at any second.

"I thought you weren't hungry?" Tobias states, giving me a questioning look.

"I wasn't, but I am now. Weird I know." He gives me a skeptical look, but doesn't say any thing more.

"Want to go on a date later?" Tobias asks quietly.

"Sure, I would love to." I give him a small smile.

"Ok I'll pick you up at 7:00. Wear something nice, but not a dress or a skirt."

"ok! You got it dude!" I give him a thumbs up and he smiles at me. I get lost in thought again when finally I hear someone saying something to me.

"Yo, Tris who was that this morning? You looked like you were gunna kill him!" Uriah says, in a voice that could be confused as yelling, but I know isn't because I know Uriah.

"Oh, him? That is my brothers friend from collage. They go back Monday thankfully, and I would kill him if it was legal. Don't want to get arrested for murder though!" Everyone including Tobias laugh.

"Want help?" Tobias asks and everyone laughs even harder. They get amused by the stupidest things. I love it.

"Wow, big Four here is talking AND offering help! How'd you do it Tris? Did you bribe him?" Uriah asks after he calms down.

"Oh Uriah, don't forget, he actually laughed at her joke, not just chuckle like he does with every one else!" Zeke says, I blush at his statement and look down to "take a bite of my salad" which means I'm just hiding my red face.

"Ooh your right Zekey poo! I think big ol Four here finally likes someone!" Uriah laughed and I see Toby shake his head.

"You guys think what you want. We all know there's no stoping you anyways so what's the point in trying?" He asks smiling a little. It looks like a smile he gives other people, not the enchanting stomach twisting smile he gives me. Everyone just laughs and I do too. It's nice to laugh once in a while. I finally have friends and I'm so thankful.

The end of the school day is nearing and I'm just hoping it will come faster. I have plans to go somewhere with Tobias tonight, and I want to look better than I did today. I walk straight home, not caring about Peter. I know I could kick his ass any day of the week. Back in Oregon, I went to the gym everyday, except Wednesdays, and worked out. I got pretty damn strong too. I fought a lot of the people who worked there, a lot of which fight for a living. I beat all of them before I left so I'm pretty sure I could take some collage kid who doesn't fight a lot. He has strength on his side, but I'm faster, and I know what I'm doing. I haven't found a gym here yet to work out in, but I haven't really looked either. I think there is one called the pit but I don't know, I'll have to check.

I get home and go straight to my room. He said to wear something nice, but not a dress or skirt. Weird. Whatever. I put on a nice pair of jeans that forms to my curves, and a flowy, gold top. I take my bun out, brushing out my hair. It has waves in it from the bun, but they will come out in the next five minutes. I look at my almost completely makeup less face and think of what I should do. I decide on a gold eye shadow to match my shirt, taking a light bronze to my crease and blending it out. I add more mascara, not even bothering to try with eye liner. I apply bb cream, powder, a light blush, and some bronzer. I put on my signature lip gloss, applying it to my bottom, then my top lip. I know this is just going to come off with all the lip biting I seem to do, but I don't care, I'll just re apply.

I go to my bed with my back pack, and pull out my homework. I get to work, occasionally checking the time or changing the song. Toby said he would come at 7:00, but I expect him to be a little early, he has always been that way. By the time I'm done with my homework it's 5:00. I started at 3:30 so that's good considering I had math, science, and language arts. I get up and go to the bathroom, grabbing the edge of the counter, staring at my reflection. I take my phone out of my pocket and close the bathroom door, locking it. I put a song on that always helps when I think these things. These thoughts of suicide. Who you are by Jessie J.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror

"Why am I doing this to my self?"

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf

No no no no no no...

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising

Just be true to who you are!

(who you are [11x])

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah.

The more I try the less it's workin, yeah

Cause everything inside me screams

No no no no no no...

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no. Egos, fake shows. Like woah!

Just go, and leave me a lone!

Real talk, real life. Good love goodnight.

With a smile, that's my home!

That's my home, no...

No no no no no no...

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising

Just be true to who you are!

Yeah yeah yeah

The song gets over and I'm trying my hardest not to cry. I spent a good amount of time on my makeup making it just right, I can't ruin it now with my stupid crying. I slowly calm down and my eyes stop watering. I rock back and fourth on my heels, taking deep long breaths. I stop and straighten my back, unlocking the door to the bathroom. I open it and walk back to my room. 5:37. I get out my sketch book and my pencils, sitting in my floor after clearing a spot in the sea of cloths that covers my floor. I start drawing the back of a girls head, a hair style that I'll have to show Chrissy because she will flip over it. She'll want to try it, perfect it, make it her own. It's a Dutch braid around the back leading to a messy side bun. It's really pretty and I'm done with it within it 10 mins. I do another on the same page. This ones a low twisted ponytail. The kind where you make a pony tail and make a hole between the base of your neck and the hair band. Then you put the pony tail through it making it twisted and tightening it. I finish that one in the same out of time, only to start another. Then one after the next I finish 5 or 6.

Ding ding ding! My doorbell makes a loud ringing through the house. I check the time, 6:50. I knew he'd be early. I get up from my place on the floor, stretching out my sore muscles,from sitting in the same place to long. I grab my purse, my lip gloss, and head to the door. I open it only to find the most handsome guy ever. Tobias. My Tobias. He wears jeans and black t-shirt that clings to his skin. He is enchanting. Every thing about him. Especially his smile. He puts out his arm for me to take, so I do.

"You look great Bea." Tobias says, while I blush.

"Thanks Toby, right back at cha." I smile at him, while gives me a deep chuckle. He leads me to his car and opens the passenger side door form me. "Thank you." I say while getting in. I buckle up, while he closes the door. He walks around to his side, getting in and starting the car. He starts driving to an unknown location, but I am truly, undeniably, completely happy, for the first time in a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

Cars scare me. Maybe it's because I know the possibility of a car crash, or maybe it's that your steering a huge block of metal on the road with other people who are doing the same thing, and most of those people are stupid drivers who have no idea what they're doing. That's probably why. For some reason, when I'm with Tobias, I'm not scared. I feel alive.

"Where are you takin me?" I turn and ask Tobias looking at him with a smile playing on my lips.

"Crazy." He smirks taking his eyes of the road for a second. I just roll my eyes, still smiling a little. I turn up the radio, which is playing country, and start singing a long, at the chorus because that's the only part of this song I know. Don't think I don't think about it Darius Rucker.

But don't think I don't think about it

Don't think I don't have regrets

Don't think it don't get to me

Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey

Don't think I dont wonder 'bout

Could've been should've been all worked out

I know what I felt and I know what I said

But don't think I don't think about it

I think I hear Tobias say 'true' under his breath. Then he is smiling at me, and before I have a chance to speak, or ask him what he said, he does.

"Damn Bea." He says still smiling at me. I blush a little, not even trying to hide it.

"I know right!" I wink at the person that is the only one who makes me feel alive... Makes me feel wanted... I mean other than my parents, but that's there job. Tobias just does it willingly. And I'm forever grateful. He drives me to an unknown location and when we get there I see why he didn't want me wearing a dress or skirt. We are going laser tagging.

Once inside, we go pay for our entrance, and head over to the computers and add our names and phone numbers into the system. Our time is 7:30 so we sit and wait. While we are waiting we start talking, laughing. We get called into a black light lit room and are asked to be silent so we could watch the video to learn the rules.

1) no running

2) no inappropriate language

3) have fun

How cheesy, "Have fun", really? After the video is over we get lead into another black light lit room and put on our vest with the gun attached to it. I smile at him and wink. We are on opposite teams and I laugh because I know I'm gunna win. Back in Oregon, before the big change happened, me and my friends always went laser tagging. I always got first place over all for the whole day. Tobias has no idea what's coming for him.

One game, I win. Second game, I win. Third game, you guessed it, I win. We walk back to the room to put our vests back.

"Bea really? Are good at everything? Damn!" He chuckles softly, smiling at me.

"Yeah I am..." I say looking at Tobias, smiling, and throw my hair over my shoulder. We start walking outside and I notice it's raining outside, actually it's more like pouring. We jog to his car, trying to stay dry. Once we are in, we start laughing. He starts the car and drives someplace I don't know.

"I don't want to go home, I have something I want to show you..." I say. He gives me a funny laugh and I just shrug, turning on the radio.

"Where to me lady?" He asks in a funny accent. I laugh a little.

"To the park near the school my good sir!" I copy his accent.

"In the rain are you crazy?" He asks me in the same accent. I laugh even harder before continuing.

"Oregon born and raised my whole life baby! I'm used to the rain, it's like in my blood or something now!" I say, throwing away the accent thing that was going on. He says a quiet 'Kay' and doesn't continue it. We drive with the radio blast, us both singing and laughing.

Once we arrive I smile. I get out, leaving my phone in the car, making sure I won't get it wet at all. Toby does the same and I smile at him. I close the door quickly and walk around the front of his truck. We meet and join hands, not caring about the rain as it pours down. I lead him over to the cave thing I found the other day. Since then, I've added lots of pillows and blankets, along with two flash lights. The floor that used to feel like a bed of nails, feels like a pillow, and I never get cold. I pull back the bush carefully, stepping inside with Tobias. I put it back in place slowly, careful not to let it spring back and cause water to fly.

"You like it?" I ask Tobias, our bodies unusually close. I don't mind though, he's warm and smells like men's cologne and soap. I love it.

"No," he says all serious. I get a little disappointed and look down.

"Oh, okay. We can leave if you want to." I say starting to get up. He pulls me back down. I'm officially confused. He leans over and whispers in my ear.

"You didn't let me finish. I was gunna say, I love it." I blush furiously as his breath sends shivers down my spine. How does he have his effect of me and why. We stay like this for a couple hours. Talking and laughing, never getting board. Finally I look down at my watch to check the time. 10:23. Damn, mom and dad are going to be worried about me.

"It's 10:23 already. Can you believe that?" I ask Tobias.

"Really? Oh wow, I better get you home before your dad hates my guts!" Tobias says standing up slightly. I pull the bush away to find it's still pouring. I thought I left the rain in Oregon God damn it! I step out right after Tobias and grab his hand. I look at the sky while we walk. The moon has a transparent cloud covering it, giving it that eerie look you see in movies. Tobias stops walking for a second so I stop also, looking at him.

"Your so beautiful." Tobias says to my while sweeping a wet piece of hair clinging to my forehead out of the way, behind my ear. I blush as red as a tomato, looking down at our feet. "Stop looking down when I compliment you, because first of all, you are even cuter when you blush, and second of all I like looking into your eyes when I talk to you." He finished, I blush even more, but don't look down. He smiles at me, a look of desire in his eyes. I didn't realize how bad I wanted to kiss him right now, until he was leaning down slowly. I stand on my tip toes and press my lips to his. He tastes like butterscotch and summer nights. The rain is soaking us to the bone, but we don't really care. He pulls back, our foreheads still connected, our breath mixing and mingling, becoming one. This time I make the move, knowing there is no chance of rejection.

"I love you Tobias." I say smiling, looking into his deep blue eyes.

"I love you so incredibly much Bea." He smiles, kissing me slowly. I close my eyes and try to capture this moment, so I can keep it with me forever.

"As much as I want to stay like this, I have to get you home." I know he's right so I just step back and nod. Joining him right back at his side again. We walk to the truck hand in hand, getting in. He drives me back to my house him occasionally looking at me, me doing the same. When our eyes meet we smile for a second and just look back to the road.

He drops me off, walking me to the door. We stop on my front step, right in front of my front door. We look into each other's eyes for a minute before his lips are right back on mine again. I kiss him back, pulling away quickly.

"I had an amazing time tonight." I say. He smiles back at me before responding.

"That makes the two of us then." I smile as I start to open the door.

"Goodnight Tobias."

"Goodnight Bea." I close the door and fall against it slowly sliding down it, a smile slowly creeping onto my face. My mom and dad rush out from upstairs and see me on the floor, with a big stupid smile on my face.

"Honey! Your home! How was your date! Is he nice?! Can me and your father meet him?! What's he like!" My mom says excitedly. I laugh at her enthusiasm.

"Hon, calm down, giver her time to answer one question at a time." My father says, chuckling lowly at my mother.

"Oh your right! You got to tell us everything about your night sweetie!" My mom yells.

"Ok I will, I will! Calm down." I say with a smile on my face and a laugh rising from my chest. We get up, sit down on the couch, and I tell them about my night, not leaving out a single detail. It is official. This is the best day of my life.


	13. Chapter 13

8:34. I wake up with a smile still plastered on my face. I quickly start to remember the events of last night. Laser tag, the park, talking for hours, the car rides, and finally the kiss, the beautiful, sloppy, unforgettable kiss. The taste of him still lingers on my lips, while his scent is ingrained in my clothing. The thought of him sends shivers down my spine and puts butterflies in my stomach.

This Friday is one of those weird ones that doesn't have school planned on it. You know, how they do that to save money or whatever, it really is quite stupid. Hey, I'll take anything to get out of school. My phone buzzes and I pick it up, looking at the brightly lit screen. Tobias.

- Good morning beautiful :)

- Good morning love :)

- What are you doing today?

- Oh you know, the usual. Sit around, read for hours on end, sipping on some tea :)

- Sounds like fun:) but you know I was thinking, maybe we could go to lunch :)

- Sounds like a plan :)

- Kayyy I'll pick you up at 11:30 :)

- Kayy where we going? :)

- It's a surprise ;)

Of course it is. I smile and get out of bed, wrapping a sweater around my cold, pale frame. I slip on some slippers and walk downstairs, rubbing my gray blue eyes. My mom is at work, trying to keep her Business running. My father is probably sitting at our family table at the coffee shop, papers sprawled out around him and coffee, black, staining his breath, sitting next to him in his '#1 father' mug I made him a few years ago. My mother probably goes out of her way to swing around to that deserted area of the shop just to kiss my father on the cheek or nose. I smile at the thought of them and their undying love.

I grab a granola bar and sit at the counter, eating it slowly, taking my phone out again. Why not stalk people on Instagram. By people I mean Tobias. I pull up his profile, reading his bio. I'm second, right after Zeke. I understand why but I'm still disappointed. It really is stupid though, why am I disappointed over an Instagram bio. I look through his pictures, mostly him and the gang, some of him and Zeke, and surprisingly some of me and him. I'm so lucky to be his, and him to be mine.

Once I finish my granola bar I run upstairs quickly, almost tripping and falling on a stair. 8:47. I hop in the shower, feeling gross from last nights rain. I clean my body and hair, doing all the things I do in the shower to get clean. I step out, still humming the tune I was just full on singing to.

Mmmmm you're my baby

And your sweet sweet sun makes me crazy

Mmmmm you're my baby

I want to lay you down and see how you amaze me

9:08. I walk back to my room. I'm trying to decide on what to wear when I hear my phone buzz, I pick it up looking at it. Mom.

- Hey sweetie! You awake?

- Yes:) I'm going on a date with Toby today, we're going to lunch, what should I wear?

- Where you going?

- Idk man

- Okay well wear jeans and a nicer sweater, simple and beautiful. Just like you :)

-aw mom I'm blushing ;)

I take my moms advice, picking out a pair of dark, dark blue jeans, and a maroon sweater. I add an owl necklace just to tie it together. I walk back to my bathroom. 9:16. I pull out my drawer and grab my tooth brush and toothpaste. I squeeze some toothpaste onto my toothbrush. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and fourth. Spit. Rinse. Repeat. I put on my makeup, deciding to go natural looking today only with some mascara. I put it on it record time.

11:03. The date is soon and I'm excited. I've decided to French braid my hair, just to get it out of my face. I sit on my floor, currently writing. It's about a girl who commits suicide and then her friends do it, then the whole town does. It's in the perspective of a boy who's friends were the first three people that died. He moved away a few months before it all happened. He hated it at first, the move, just like I did. But in the end he was thankful that he moved.

11:26. The door bell rings and I jump up, grabbing my phone, lipgloss, and purse. He stands there in his usual baggy blue jeans, and a tight black t-shirt, showing off his muscles. It's so simple, and so sexy. I notice I'm just staring and a light blush flushes my cheeks. He gives a soft chuckle. I grab hold of his arm that he is so kindly holding out for me. We walk to his car and he opens the door for me. I get in, but he doesn't close the door.

"Like the view?" I ask him, raising my left eyebrow questioning. He grows a smirk quickly before responding.

"Well duh, I mean who the hell wouldn't." He states, matter of factly. I blush slightly, trying not to laugh.

"Toby!" I say, smacking his chest playfully. Sparks fly through my hand and I smile. He chuckles and closes the door, slowly walking to his side of the car. He gets in and starts the car, the engine sputtering slightly before roaring to life. He drives me to an unknown destination, and I feel at peace, like no one can touch me.

We arrive at the place at exactly 12:00. Walking in, we immediately get seated. It's a cute little Mexican food place, with flags and paintings hanging on the walls. We sit at the table and the waitress comes and asks for our drink orders, a Spanish accent lacing her words. She looks about 5-6 months pregnant, but it looks good on her. I order a Mountain Dew and Tobias orders a Dr. Pepper. When they bring the drinks out, they also bring some chips and salsa. I take a chip and the salt shaker, shaking salt onto the big tortilla chip, popping it into my mouth and start chewing, only to stop when Tobias is looking at me with a look of confusion, amazement, and disbelief.

"What?" I ask him, chip still lingering in my mouth. I quickly swallow, so next time I speak he can get a clear answer.

"Oh nothing, just amazed you still eat your chips like that... You weirdo. Do you still eat muffins weird also?" He asks me.

"I do actually, so boom." I say throwing up my hands in a mock explosion. "And look whose talking! You are definitely the weird one!" I smirk playfully, and point at his muscular chest.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. What are you getting?" He looks down at his menu, as do I.

"Uhhhhh," I look at my menu for about 30 seconds before I spot it. "I know what I'm getting." I give a small smile, watching him read his menu like it's the most interesting book in the world.

"So do I." He nods quickly, making me laugh a little.

"You know, this place reminds me of that little Mexican food place we used to go to... The one with a T?" I try to remember the name of the place, but I won't come to my mind.

"I know what one you're talking about, I loved that place, this place reminded me of there, so I come here often." Of course he does. I smile at him, and take a drink of my soda. The waitress comes by a few minutes later and asks for our order. I get a bean and cheese burrito, and he gets a quesadilla... Just like when we were kids. I smile and shake my head slightly at him.

"Still? Your still stuck on quesadillas?" I say smiling at him, my smile reaching my eyes.

"Duh, they're the best." He shrugs his shoulders slightly, giving me a 'you should know this' look. I chuckle at the way he talks to me like nothing has changed. "And you shouldn't be talking I mean, the chips, the muffins, the burritos! You haven't changed a bit Prior."

"Prior?" I raise my brow at his statement.

"Yeah I was trying it out, I like it... I might have to use it more often." He says smiling at me.

The waitress brings out our food, setting down our plates carefully. I smile, my meal sending waves of excitement through my body. Weird to get excited over food, I know, but I can't stop it. We eat in silence for a few minutes before Tobias speaks.

"How is it?" He asks

"It's amazing! How fast did you find this place when you moved her?" I ask.

"About 2 weeks, not to long."

"Ooh fancy," I pause for a second, making sure I 100% want to say what I'm about to say. "What was it like? You know moving and living with your aunt and uncle?" He looks a bit shocked at my question.

"It was different. I had nightmares every night when I could sleep. I was scared of my uncle for a long time just in case he was like Marcus. After a while though I became more and more used to it. Now I love them, and they love me unconditionally."

"Oh, well I'm glad you like them." I say, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Yeah me too." He laughs. We finished our meal in silence. The waitress comes up to us with the check. I want to pay for it but Tobias insists he pays for it. The waitress takes his credit card, swiping it at the cash machine. She walks back over to us, card in hand.

"Here you go, thank you for coming!" She says. Then she adds "you two really are adorable. It's very easy to tell you're in love. Good luck." We both blush, then thank her.

"Ready to go?" He asks me.

"I was born ready." I wink at him.

"Whatever." He grabs me hand, rubbing the top with his thumb distractedly.

12:56. We get into his car, joining hands over the center consul. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I let go of Tobias' hand, and pull out my phone. Christina

-Girl where you at?

-Crazy ;)

-No for reals tho! I wanna go shopping!

-Oh hell no! I ain't doin that!

-Ok you can get out of it today because I don't feel like arguing, but I swear any other time, I'd be draggin your ass to the God damn mall! You pickin up what I'm putting down?!

-Yeah yeah whatever!

"Who is it?" Tobias asks.

"Chrissy... She's trying to get me to go to the mall."

"That's Chrissy for you! She is doing it out of the bottom of her heart though."

"I know but I hate shopping, that's like her writing or drawing with her nails still wet!" He laughs at me and my example, showing off his pearly whites.

Tobias drops me off at home, kissing me at my door step. I smile out of the kiss and say goodbye to him. Walking in the door, I see my dad sitting at the dining room table, everything spread out around him. He's been working on a new book so he's been super busy lately. I have no idea what he is working on, so what better time than now to ask him.

"Hey daddy, what Cha writing?" I ask him sweetly.

"Something you'll be excited for!" He responds kindly, excitement leaking into his words.

"What's the name of it?" I sit in the chair next to him.

"It's gunna be called 'promises are meant to be broken'" he winks at me.

"No way!" I get up and look at my father.

"Yes way!" He says in mock excitement. "Now can you help me?" He asks a little more serious.

"Of course," I sit back down, curling my legs up to look it him. "What do you need help with?"

"Tell me about your friends and your date today." So I do. I tell him about the gang and my date with Toby, telling parts over so he can take notes. When he is done writing the book I think I'm going to have him put a dedication in the back instead of the front and tell my friends. I'll have to check with Toby, see if he's okay with that but I'm pretty sure he will be. Actually I should do that right now, so I do. I call Tobias. After three rings he picks up.

-Hello?

-Hey Toby, I have a question.

-Okay shoot.

-Would you be okay if I told my dad to put a dedication in the back of his book for me, the gang, and you? It would be in about like 5 months or so.

-Um... Well... Let me think about it.

-Okay take your time, it's not a big deal if you aren't okay with it either.

-Okay, I'll let you know what my answer is when I get it.

-Ok, well that's all see ya.

-Bye Bea.

Always super careful. I walk over to the kitchen to grab some apple juice. My favorite. I pour myself a glass and walk back to my father. I tell him my plan with the dedication thing, and that Tobias still has to agree. If he says yes then that's how the gang will find out who Tobias is.

The rest of my day is spent with my dad, talking about the gang, Tobias, myself, my relationships with the gang and Tobias, and how I met the gang. He listens carefully, taking notes. We joke and work at the same time, never getting bored of each other. That's why my father was one of my two best friends.


	14. Chapter 14

Monday. The worst day of the week. I get up and ready in a hurry, eyes burning from the tears that spilled last night. Over the weekend my old friends at my high school in Oregon found all of my social media and have been bullying me over that. I've cried all weekend pretty much so my voice is raspy, and my eyes are slightly bloodshot. I've put on makeup to cover the redness on my cheeks and eye area. I've ditched my more tight clothes, such as jeans and tee shirts, and returned to my old sweatpants and sweaters. My hair up in a messy bun, out of the way. I've been stealing glances at the razor all morning, but I can't give in... Not today.

I walk to school, not wanting to see my loving parents. They'll know immediately if something is wrong, and I can't have that. I've tried to stay strong, brave, for them, but over the weekend I've been wanting to just finish it, end it all. It would be so much easier, but I won't, I have to try not to.

I don't want to talk to anyone, or do my school work. I pick up my pencil, and act like I'm taking notes, but really I'm just drawing. I see a little piece of paper land on my desk, so I look up to see who threw it. Tobias. I open it up to read 'you okay?' I don't respond by writing, I just put on a fake smile and nod my head yes. He looks away reluctantly, he knows I'm lying, but he won't push it.

Period after period passes by and now it's lunch. Oh great, here come the questions. In my head I keep playing over what they said, and their exact wording. Stuff like 'You're to revealing, are you a prostitute now or what?' And 'seriously, stop acting like a slut and cover your self up you whore!' What good friends they are. Them saying that has not only brought back my depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety, but also the realization that my "friends" now, could do the same thing that Kathy and Alisha did. I can't have that happen again, so I'll push them away, keep my distance, build up walls for myself.

"Hey yo, Tris. You okay there?" Uriah asks, concern in his voice and furrowed brows.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say plainly, giving him a small smile. It's so hard to even barely smile anymore. I just want to go home and cry in a ball.

"You sure?" He asks again

"Yeah Tris are you okay? You seem really down today?" Christina this time asks. I don't know why, but even them barely asking me anything makes me pissed off.

"I SAID I'M FINE!" I yell getting up, slamming my fists on the table. I pick up my tray and throw my food away in the trash, putting my tray away. Warm tears threaten to spill over, but I won't let them until I'm alone.

I storm out of the cafeteria, straight to the girls bathroom, opening up the handicap stall and step in. I finally let the tears fall, my body shaking with sobs. My body falls limp to the floor, and I don't even think of how gross this must be. Why me? Fuck this! I don't want to be brave anymore, I don't want to fight! I just want to give in. Let the tide take me to a place of no return. So I do. I get up, stopping the crying, and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. I step out of the stall and look in the mirror.

I skip the rest of my classes, not caring at all what will happen when I do. I run all the way home, letting my legs and lungs burn. I open my front door in a rush to get upstairs. Luckily no ones home, so I'm alone. Finally. I slam the front door and run up stairs quickly heading to the bath room. I lock the door behind me, and take the picture of my and Tobias and lay it down so I can't see it. I open the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of pain pills from a long time ago that no one uses. I open the cap and take seventeen. I open up my makeup drawer, pulling my eyeliner sharpener out, with an extra screwdriver we keep in the bathroom. I undo the screw on the eyeliner, taking out the dirty piece of metal. I rinse it off, taking the left over eyeliner chunks off. I take three more pills, the rest of the bottle, making a total of twenty.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten cuts line my pale wrist. The cuts aren't to deep, but they're deep enough to bleed slightly. I want to go deeper, feel the relief it brings. So that's exactly what I do. I take the blade and slide it across my wrist again and again. Pushing it in then quickly pulling the blade across my skin. It gets harder and harder to do, because my hands keep trembling. My whole wrist is covered in red. What a beautiful color. It's a deeper red than I expected, but it's even more beautiful.

I run my wrist under cold water, smiling at the sting it brings. I turn the water off, and give up on waiting for my blood to stop running from my wrists. I look up for the first time. My cheeks are tear stained, and my lower lip is bleeding from me biting it so hard. I begin to feel dizzy and my wrist is dripping again with blood. I sit on the floor, my elbow on my knee, blood still dripping from my open cuts. I start to lay down, feeling tired. I'm ready. Let the tide sweep my up and take me away.

PAGE BREAK!

"Tris!? Please Tris! Tris please wake up!" A raspy female voice cries next to me. I can't tell who it is, but the voice sounds familiar. All I can do is groan a little to show them that I'm awake. "Oh my god! She's awake! She's awake! Tris can you hear me!" It's Christina. I hear a faint beeping sound and finally it hits me. I'm in the hospital. Damn it.

"Yeah" is all I can get out. My voice is all but gone. I try to open my eyes and I get them to open a little, I look and the blur around me and my assumption that I'm in the hospital is correct. How'd I get here? I remember what happened. Damn it... I didn't take enough fucking pills. I feel someone take my hand in theirs and squeeze.

"Bea? You there?" Tobias. His face is sorrow filled. I'm filled with guilt once I realize that it was me who made him feel that way. He wipes my cheek with his thumb, wiping the tear that I didn't know fell. "Oh Bea, don't cry." He says scooting closer to me.

"I'm so sorry." Is all I can get out, before I start bawling. He strokes my hair, trying to calm me down. I can tell that he is trying to hold back his own tears.

My wrist in burning from where I ran the blade across it however long ago. I turn my head sluggishly to look at it. It's wrapped in white, probably clean as can be. I slam my head back on the pillow, closing my eyes. Shit.

"Hey sweetie," my moms voice sings. "How are you feeling?" She too, just like everyone else, looks like she's been crying. Her and my father stand together, on the opposite side of me than Tobias.

"I'll go get the doctor." Christina says with a gravely voice. Just like everyone else's voice.

"Ok thank you honey." My mom's voice rings. She turns back to me and looks me in the eyes. Her own welling up with tears. "I thought we lost you Beatrice." I can tell she is trying to stay strong for me, but it's not helping.

"When I found out..." Tobias can't finish his sentence. I start crying again. Wanting to hide away, not see the pain in their eyes.

"Why'd you do it Tris?" Marlene this time, asks.

"To much..." I stop for a second, trying to clear my throat. "To much pain." Is all I can get out before my throat feels like it turns to ashes.

"This will make a good part in the book don't you think." My dad whispers right next my my ear, just so I can hear him. He chuckles sadly, and so do I.

The doctor comes in, walking over to me, making Tobias step out of the way.

"How are you feeling honey?" The light female voice of my doctor swims through the air.

"Like shit." Is all I say before I start coughing. A pain in my stomach churns and makes me wince in pain.

"What hurts? Other than your wrist of course." She asks kindly.

"Stomach," breath Tris, "throat, a lot." She nods her head turning toward all the people in the room.

"Can I have a moment alone with Beatrice here for a second please?" She asks them. They all nod and file out of the room. "Your throat is raw from taking all the pills, and your stomach hurts, also from the pills. Those don't sit well." She chuckles slightly, fiddling with some machines next to me.

"Yeah I noticed." I say, taking the cup she is holding out for me. I drink the liquid. My throat feels a little better, less raspy.

"Your lucky your boyfriend out there found you so soon." She looks like she is fighting a battle with her self to tell me something or not. "Sweetie I want to show you something." She says setting down her clipboard.

"Ok." I say. She pulls back her sleeves and all up and down her forearms are scars. Big scars, small scars, purple scars, white scars.

"When I was 14, I began getting bullied. At 15 I became depressed and started self harming, just as you have. At 16, the same age as you, I attempted suicide. Just like you Beatrice. I'm living proof. I made it. You'll make it to sweetheart. It sucks right now yeah, but it gets better, over time. It won't happen over night. I had my parents. I moved to a different school and people there became my friends. I was also cyber bullied, just like you have been recently. I made it through with my new friends by my side, and I couldn't have done it alone. I know it's hard to trust people because your old friends are your main bullies, but you gotta rely on someone. They all care about you Beatrice, and it seems like they always will." She has tears in her eyes from telling her story, and I do to. It's so similar to mine. She regains her posture, pulling back her tears.

"Your story is just like mine." I say, trying to do the same with my tears.

"I know, that's why I shared it. And by the way sweetie, it's ok to cry sometimes. You don't always have to be brave and strong." She says before she smiles at me, grabbing my hand and rubbing the top with her thumb, before she walks out of the room.

I hear faint voices outside of my hospital room, as I drift in and out of consciousness. I think about my doctor, and her story, how it's so similar to mine. I think about my parents and how they must have felt when they found out. I think about the gang. I think about Tobias. My dear dear Tobias. He must've been heart broken. I did that to him and his beautiful soul. I start crying from the realization. That's how I fall asleep, tears streaming down my red cheeks.


	15. Chapter 15

I wake up with a stinging in my wrist. I look over an see the doctor, who talked to me yesterday, cleaning my wounds. She notices I'm awake and smiles at me.

"Hello sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" She asks me.

"Oh just wonderful!" I say, sarcasm lacing my words. She chuckles slightly, noticing my sarcasm.

"There's a young boy out there who stayed with your parents all night last night. He says his name is Four and he really wants to talk to you." She says giving me a wink. She walks out of the room leaving me alone for about 30 minutes.

Tobias walks in, pale with eyes of red and purple. He walks over to me and hugs me as tight as he can without hurting me or pulling out the wires and tubes connected to my body.

"Oh Bea," he pushes a stray strand of hair out of the way. "I thought I lost you. I finally know how you felt. And it's terrible." He says about to cry.

"I'm so sorry Toby." I try to keep my tears in.

"Why'd you do it?" He asks.

"To much pain. To much God damn pain." I sniff.

"Promise me something. Please." He begs.

"Anything." I respond in a near whisper.

"Never let it get that bad again. Talk to me or your parents before letting it get that bad. I wouldn't be able to take that pain." He says, a tear falling from his eye.

"Ok," I wipe his tears away with my thumb. "I promise."

"And it better mean a thing to you this time." A small sad smile spreads across his cracked dry lips. I chuckle a little before I can't control it any more. I grab hold of his shirt pulling him down to me and kiss him square on the lips. My heart monitor starts speeding up and he pulls away, as a deep blush spreads across my cheeks.

"Damn I love you Bea."

"I love you too Toby." I smile at him. Wanting to remember this moment forever.

Christina walks in about an hour later. Catching me and Tobias talking.

"Oh hey Four! What are you doing here?" She asks, a look of suspicion on her face.

"I just came to check on Tris. Just making sure she's alright, being a good friend." He gives a small smile to Christina, and I cringe when he says the name Tris. He usually calls me Bea, and that's how it's always been and always needs to be. Chrissy knows he is lying, but she doesn't say anything. "Ok well I'll leave now, so you two can be alone. Bye Tris." He says, reaching for my hand but thinking better of it. I'm slightly disappointed, but it is what it is.

"What was that all about?" Chrissy asks after Tobias leaves, walking up to me.

"He was just being a good friend, checking on me." I reply, not completely lying. She looks at me skeptically.

"Uh huh whatever. I know you're lying. But whatever. Keep your damn secrets!" She says half jokingly.

"I will!" A smile starting to form on my lips

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

"How you feeling sweetie?" She says after laughing for a bit.

"Eh." Is the only word to describe how I feel right now.

"Ok I guess that good." She says. We continue talking for a long time. Until the whole gang shows up. We talk and laugh. I really missed this. I keep stealing glances at Tobias, and he does the same. Speaking to each other with our eyes.

The doctor comes in to redress my wrist, and tells them that if they want to stay they can but to beware. They all stay and I'm grateful and woozy at the same time. I haven't seen my wrist since I've been in here, so I don't know how bad it is. She starts taking the bandage and unwrapping it. My hands shake as I see the first, then the second, then they are all revealed. My body trembles and my breath quickens. I can't look at my friends to see what their reaction is. Some cuts are shallow little baby cuts, others so deep they had to stitch them up. I see my cuts and just want to do them over again. Re-live the relief it gave me.

"Tris? Hello? You there?" Zeke asks, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Just thinking." Zeke looks worried, as does everyone else in the room.

"Why'd you do it... Well that." He says pointing to my wrist.

"So much pain you know. I couldn't handle it anymore, I just want to die."

Fuck. I said want. Not wanted. I hope no one catches on.

"Want?" Shauna asks, confusion slapping her right across the face. Might as well tell them the truth.

"Yeah, want. Just because I survived doesn't mean the pain just magically goes away. I still want to die. I still want to split my wrists to feel the relief. I know people love me. I knew that before, but it doesn't just make all the pain and hurt wash away. I'm still broken. I still feel worthless and pathetic and useless and like a piece of shit." I look around the room to see all the girls with tears in their eyes, trying to keep it in for me. I see boys with tears in their eyes as well, but they are better at hiding it. "I still want to die. I still want to bleed. It's just now, I know it's okay not to be okay, and to break down into tears and fits of misery, but it's not okay to take my pain out on my self anymore. It's hurts my loved ones to much." Tobias is crying, slowly letting tears drip one by one, wiping them away with the back of his hand.

"You know it hurts more than just your loved ones. It hurts your self to. You're mutilating yourself. It's killing you slowly." Tobias says through the tears and the pain.

"I know." I whisper quietly, like I'm confessing to my biggest secret.

The gang and I talk for a while, tears to laughter, tears to laughter. My parents walk in with books and three cups of unknown beverages.

"Hey guys, good to see you."

"You too Mr. And Mrs. Prior." Christina replies for everyone.

"We'll leave you three alone." Will this time says.

"Thank you sweetheart." My mother says. She has obviously been crying.

"What'd you bring me?" Ask them, after the gang leaves. Looking at the drinks and books they brought.

"English breakfast tea for you, just the way you like it, and your favorite book." My father says, handing me the book and tea. I take a sip of my tea, tracking the warm path it makes down to my tummy.

"Thank you." I respond to him.

"Uh huh. We figured you'd get bored here." My mother says.

"Guess what sweetie." My father says.

"What is it?" I ask my dad.

"I finished my sixth chapter for my book!" He says yiddish like a child.

"No way?! Good for you!" I tell him.

"Yeah he was up all night finishing it." My mother says. She smiles at him and rubs his upper arm. My parents talk to me about anything and everything. When they ask my why I did it, I respond with the same thing I've been telling everyone else. The just nod. Just to much pain.

The doctor comes in. 5:54.

"Hello Mr. And Mrs. Prior, it's lovely to see you." She walks over to me, winking on the way. "I really really hate to say this but you guys will have to leave soon. It's almost 6. Sweetie," she turns to look down at me. "You can go home tomorrow. There is therapy that we recommend. I recommend it. It's very helpful." She smiles.

"Ok thank you." I say, thankful I can get out of this hell hole soon. My parents both look over at me, smiling. The kiss me on the forehead before saying goodbye. They leave, and I read.

I read for as long as I can. My eyes soon start drooping and feel heavy. I put the bookmark on the page I'm at and put it on the table next to me. My eyes closing, slowly falling into the deep dark black hole of my slumber.


End file.
